Moving on up......

to Wisconsin that is!  We have officially changed our address and joined our cheeseheaded roots.  I have to admit that being an air force brat I have always thought that roots were a little overrated.  Things that people clung to when they didn't embrace adventure.  When they didn't understand the beauty of the next move.  I fell in love with a man who has a hometown.  A single place.   For his entire life.  In the beginning of our relationship I had a hard time seeing that a a positive, it made me instantly claustrophobic.  I couldn't imagine one place...a single place....FOREVER. Fast forward about a decade and a half and my feelings have changed.  Jeremy is retiring from the Navy after 20 years and we were searching for a home town.  We have moved into a rental as we are settling into the area and will start shopping for a house in the fall.  If you know me at all the fact that I am eagerly looking forward to house hunting is, in itself, an amazing thing. 
Picking a place to live blindly is a huge gamble.  Before if we moved someplace and didn't love it we knew there was always the option of moving in just a few  years.  And if we were stuck at least we were stuck at the hands of the Navy and could lament and complain and blame and it wasn't OUR fault.  There is something to be said for not having to own the location choice.  We have prayed for our post Navy location for years.  We wanted to be in Wisconsin for the veteran benefits.  We wanted to be roughly the same distance from my family so they could come and visit (read: my Momma could still come for the weekend OFTEN).  We wanted a job for Jeremy at a place he would love.  God answered all of those with our move to Janesville.  We decided to wait a year to buy a house so we could find the neighborhood we wanted and get our bearings a bit.  That meant we needed a place to live in the interim.  3 bedroom rentals that allowed pets were REALLY hard to find.  We made THREE trips to house hunt each turning up empty.  On the 4th trip we found our house.  It was a little difficult to see the potential as it was filled with another persons belongings.  And then it was a solid month before we saw it again empty to move in to it.  In that month it got bigger, shined in the sun as the clouds parted and birds chirped. When we got the keys I had tears in my eyes.  Not from the fact we were finally in a spot after almost 8 weeks.  Not that we were officially starting our new adventure.  Not that 'home town' was just around the corner from us and our roots were starting to spread.  No, I cried because it was filthy.  We saw the true house, empty w/o the distraction of belongings.  Seriously, it was horrible.  I don't have much of a poker face and the schilldren saw the first raw reaction to the filth.  They saw the tears and frustration.  

"...watching....always watching...." 

If you've ever seen Monsters Inc you too will hear Roz's voice.  Usually it's a voice I reserve for people who annoy me or are frustrated with something I've done when I tell stories.  I sometimes forget that the schilldren are like a double dose of Roz as we walk through our everyday life.  Their personalities are definitely their own but I can see the impact my opinions and attitudes have made as they develop.  Sometimes it makes me wince, like this time.  Kaity teared up.  Jp got frustrated.  Then I exhaled.  I looked around and took inventory of what needed to be done.  Jeremy assured me that it would be okay, that we could make it work and I believed him.  The schilldren looked around in disbelief that it would be anything other than awful.  Jeremy was working during the day and then would come home to an evening of work to get the house ready for our personal property delivery.  I tried to get our personal property delivered early but they were not able to arrange the change because it is such a busy time for moving.  I am so thankful for that!  We had the time we needed to clean before we put our things into the house.  As we were getting started Kaity looked at me and said "We can clean dirty Momma, this house will work"   Joshy put on disposable gloves and unleashed serious elbow grease on the baseboards and braved the cobwebbed basement with us.  We spent HOURS cleaning. We scrubbed walls and floors and ceilings. We had the carpets re cleaned. We bought a new (to us, thank you craigslist) stove because the one left was beyond words and I simply couldn't cook food on it. We replaced light covers. We had the lawn tamed. We painted. We replaced hardware. Cleaned the fridge.  Hung blinds because no window had a covering.  Mostly we invested into the feeling of family.  Of roots.  Of building something better (yes we *did* spend quite a bit of time at Home Depot).   Our household goods arrived yesterday and we are engulfed in boxes that are being tamed. We are home and looking forward to getting to know our hometown.. 

Someday has arrived....

Allow me to dust the cobwebs from the corners of this blog and attempt to write the words that are swirling and whipping through my mind.  It's been over a year since last I've posted.  Honestly it's the ADD in me that simply forgets.  I enjoy blogging but after a few posts I forget and then *poof* it's a year later and I find myself reading homebody's blog and missing mine.  So...here we go again.  I will not try to catch you up.  But let me tell you what is going on in our lives right now.

Since we got married we've operated under the assumption that some day Jeremy would retire from the Navy.  Some day we would lay down roots. Some day was said so much it became it's own word "someday" was the answer to a myriad of questions.  Someday was always looming...approaching...but it was sort of like the pot o'gold at the end of the rainbow.  Never did we really think we would find ourselves smack dab in the middle of our someday!  And yet...here we are.  Jeremy is half way through his final leave from the Navy.  We are homeless.  All our earthly possessions are boxed in crates in an undisclosed location awaiting an address.  We are full of all the promise of our someday and yet it feels a little like new shoes.  The ones you've noticed a friend wearing and they rave about them.  The ones you've eyed at the store and toyed with the idea of buying.  Then finally you plunk down you money and take them home.  Try them on and they are not comfortable, they are stiff.  They don't fit like a glove they rub like a blister.  The reality is you have to wear them through the discomfort.  You have to break them in.  So we are breaking in our someday a little at a time.  We've been nomads for almost a month.  Visiting friends, staying with family, getting reacquainted with the schilltastic4 w/o the distraction of work or school or any outside responsibility.  All four of us together for every meal.  Sleeping each night in one bedroom on a combination of air mattresses and pallets.  I think we're finally through the blisters and starting to get comfy.  Kaity girl can make any bed over her brother Joshua like a pro.  Just this evening he said "You've gotta watch this Mom, Kaity makes a bed HARDCORE" as she flipped the blankets into submission.  Joshua knows which body wash & scrubby are his and puts them back into the appropriate suitcase when he's done using them.  Our someday will take us to Janesville Wisconsin to plant deep roots after a lifetime spent perfecting shallow ones.  I am sure more new-shoe-syndrome will ensue but we are excited.  We have plans to rent for a year and then buy a home.  Buying a house makes me excited and filled with claustrophobic panic all at the same time.
Jeremy starts his job in a few weeks and is looking forward to being a civilian.  If you had any doubt his facial hair should be an indication on how he is settling into retirement.  The schilldren are registered for a homeschooling program in the fall.  We've decided to get a membership at our local YMCA as soon as we move into our house and have been looking at classes, lessons, and sports they offer.  Our roots are already starting to spread cautiously into our new life.  We are not sure what we will do for the 4th of July this year as it has ALWAYS been at Great Lakes.  We are still discussing driving down (the current vote by all) or pushing past the comfortable and seeing what our someday has to offer locally.  We are trying to model faith and not fear as we step into this new journey.  This is our adventure and it can be a "get to" or a "got to" and if you know us even a little bit we are a get-to kinda folk.  I am grateful for friends who have gone before us that know the trepidation I am experiencing.  That they have gone through these phases and stages and have come out seemingly unscathed.   I am thankful for friends that are going through their own transitions out of the Navy right now alongside us.  It's a great thing to not have to say anything and  yet have somebody hear it all.  I am reminded of how blessed we are in the way we've been taken in and taken care of at every pit stop as we were searching for a home.  Basically our someday looks pretty good and I am crazy happy to be having a go at it with my best friend.

My Precious.....

Okay so I am NOT a fan of those movies with that creepy dude who totally hisswhispers "My Precious" through the entire thing, his wispy hair clinging to his scary face. I have friends who LOVE these movies. I have a husband who loves these movies. I even have friends who proudly purchased their own personal creepy dude figurine to live on their movie shelf. The word precious is one that I could barely utter without conjuring up the face of Gollum.

So let me tell you how Jeremy and I have been spending our Sunday evenings for the past several weeks. No, we are not marathon movie watching we are a taking a parenting class. I almost feel like I need to start with "Hi my name is Kamryn and I'm taking a parenting class." In my world, for whatever reason, parenting classes were taboo. It meant I were failing. Now I have taken cake decorating classes because I wanted to better my cake makin' skills, and I've taken lots of training classes for jobs I've held in order to improve my ability and none ever made me feel like I had failed. Actually, they each made me feel more accomplished and able. Somehow in my mind the thought of taking a parenting class didn't equate like that. I never thought that I could simply become a better parent. Thankfully, for the most part I've gotten over myself enough to get over that mentality.

We are following a class called "Growing Kids God's Way" and so far I'm really enjoying it. It's challenged me to rethink the "why" in our parenting plan. Jeremy and I struggled with infertility for a number of years before we had Kaity and in that time we would armchair parent. We watched what we liked, what we thought worked, what we didn't like, what we totally wanted to copy. We had a really strong purposeful parenting plan long before we had a child. It has served us well. We also knew how we wanted to raise our children from a spiritual perspective. Never ever did it occur to us that these were really 2 sides of the same coin.


One of the main concepts so far that has really resonated with me is honoring others for their "preciousness". Every person is precious because they are created by God and are precious to Him. We should treat people preciously because we love Him and want to honor what He has created. That leads me up to the actual point of this whole blathering message. Yesterday the schilldren and I were driving home from our home schooling group and I attempted to explain to them the concept of preciousness. We've never used that term in explaining how to treat one another. We said to be 'nice' or 'kind' but never explained why they should beyond the basic 'because you should' of it all. They understood preciousness. They got it, they embraced it. We talked about it for probably about 10 minutes and then moved on to other topics of conversation.

When we got home I got out and was cleaning up some ice on the drive way. Usually, they scatter the moment we pull in and run into the house to play while I am left bellowing for help to carry bags in or empty the van from whatever errands we've been running. Instead, I hear Joshua calling out to ask me if the tea glass in the van was from today. I looked up and there he stood w/the drivers side door open getting out my drink to take into the house for me. Because I am precious. Kaity carried her brothers school bag in when she collected hers. Because he is precious. Joshua made a second trip to get a few odds and ends out of the van and even held the door open for me. All in the name of preciousness. When they were getting ready to play a video game Kaity knocked something out of Joshua's hand and it fell to the floor and games were scattered. Typically that would have been dramatic and fuss filled. Yesterday she apologized but he was already down helping her pick up what had spilled and he even said "it's okay I know it was an accident".
So now when I say my precious it won't be w/that creepy clingy haired freakfest in my mind it will instead by my sweet babies treating each other with kindness. Because they are precious.

watching....always watching....

I have always prided myself on being a "do as I do" kind of parent. I don't expect less of my children than I am willing to give. I am careful about the words I say because I want them to be careful about the words they say. I value integrity and honesty because I want them to do the same. All parents teach their children, what I didn't realize until recently was how much I was teaching them when I wasn't even looking.

I have taught them through my actions that music should be sung with gusto and joy, that barefooted is beautiful, that falling is funny (and even funnier when it happens to someone else), that books can be consumed instead of just read.

I've also taught them that watching television is a totally acceptable way to spend an evening, that cookies are delicious, that sweating is bad, that sweet tea is it's own food group.

I started going to the gym almost 2 months ago and in the beginning was going in the evenings. I would come home spent and sweating and go about the rest of my night. The children came to realize that I was going to the gym through my vacillating excitement and dread. Three weeks ago I shifted my day and started going to the gym in the mornings before they are awake. They no longer hear about my gym time on a regular basis because they typically sleep right through it. I sort of assumed it was not even a blip on their radar. Don't get me wrong I still talk about it but now with a sense of accomplishment. It's officially turned from a 'got to' to a 'get to' and I look forward to the time it builds into my morning for other things as well.


I struggle with teaching my children healthy habits because, well because I didn't have very many. How do you give what you don't possess? How could I extol the virtues of vegetables while noshing on potato chips? I worry. Worry that talking about nutrition or exercise or healthy habits will somehow be internalized and begin a dialogue about not being good enough. I've not started the dialogue, not in earnest. Not with purpose but in passing and only if they brought it up first.

So, all of that brings me to yesterday afternoon. The girlchild was schooling and I had hopped on the elliptical to try to meet my goal for 10k steps/day. She stood at the edge of my bed looking me up and down. She asked me if I went to the gym already and when I told her I had but was just doing a little extra she asked if she could do a "little extra" too. I was totally conflicted. could she? should she? would she be able to? I attempted to quell my panache for over thinking and after I was finished she took a turn.

She talked the entire time she was working out. with pride. about me. how I was strong. was healthy. was good at working out.
Funny. Loud. Friendly.
Those are words that are typically used to describe me but healthy? Strong? Good at working out? Those had never been on a list of descriptions about who I was. And yet here they were from the mouth of my girl.
She got off the elliptical not emotionally scarred like I'd feared but empowered and looking forward to her work out tomorrow because she wants to be like me.
Funny, loud, friendly, strong, healthy, and good at working out.

Getting there is part...

...of the adventure. I truly believe this. I think now things are too instant. Road trips are becoming obsolete. The getting there is a waste of the being there time. I want our children to enjoy the journey. All the time. Savor getting there so that when you arrive you know what it took to be able to enjoy the time.
We are heading for Disney World, which is our most favorite family destinations. We all enjoy the wonder and magic that being in Mickey's house brings. As we've travelled well over a thousand miles in the course of what will be 5 days when we roll in tomorrow it's already been more fun than we'd imagined. We started after work on Monday driving our customary 1 hour past the children losing their minds. That is, of course, how all well intended vacations start in our family so we would be remiss to do it any other way. We stayed at a hotel and cuddled in beds and whispered good nights. Woke early, refreshed and ready for our second day of travel. We enjoyed the breakfast offerings of the hotel and walked barefooted through the halls as we began to pack everything back into it's place. On the road before 10 and spirits were high. We listened to audio theater & laughed and talked as we passed mile after mile after mile. A gloriously 80's station came on the radio and I felt the need to dance...with gusto. I was finding my inner Billy Idol as I "Mony-Mony"ed my way past a truck driver who smiled and gave me a thumbs up. In that very moment I graduated into a category of Mom that I never thought I'd know. My son grimaced in the backseat and slunk down into his high backed booster, as he is not even big enough yet to travel without it, and from behind his hands declared "Moooooom! that's so embarrassing!" I dare say I sat a little taller and went felt tilt when "Ice Ice Baby" came on next!
We arrived at our destination for the night and met friends who had become family in Georgia. I am always so amazed by the kindness shown to us by those we love. We got to hang out and enjoy quiet time and just jabber the night away. I hugged this great big manchild that I had once carried around on my hip! Listened to stories of college and first jobs from the girl who used to dress up like Alice and spin through the living room. We were treated like special guests and it was a fantastic feeling. The kids traded baths for bonus playing time. The girl child snuggled up w/the grown ups as we watched TV and bantered back and forth while the boychild got to feel like a big brother for a bit and show his friend the nintendo-ds playing ropes. Bed rest didn't feel like a confinement but rather a reason to be still and enjoy the beauty of nothing, at least it did to us. Kaity and I knelt in front of Mandy for such long periods of time, just having conversations and the whole while feeling for the movements of the next girlchild to join our family. Both my babies had eyes full of wonder and awe as they felt Aunt Mandy's belly move from the inside out. Bedtime was the enemy of fun and as it was time to get back on the road they both lamented that they *had* to go to Disney World instead of staying longer w/their family.
The road was again our home as we set out for the 3rd leg of our journey. Driving to meet a friend whom I'd known since Kaity was little and Joshua was a dream we had yet to realize. We had known each other years before we got to meet face to face and the moment we did it was like going home. We've not seen them since our family left Virginia when Joshua was still a baby. I can't believe it's been that long. We pulled up to the drive way and barefooted babies who are actually great big girls ran out to meet us. They were so excited at the thought of us. Gabby and I sat down and started in as if it was yesterday when last we'd been together. I am so thankful for friendships that don't acknowledge the concept of time. We were treated like royalty and have enjoyed every second. Hide and seek was played, cocoa consumed, laughter and squealing spilling forth from tiny mouths. At one point Kaity came downstairs wide eyed and shaking her head, "Mom....they both wanted me to play and each of them took an arm and started pulling in opposite directions! I thought that only happened on the movies, not for REAL LIFE!" Joshua was pleased to teach them how to play Ninja (I apologized then, will now, and probably several times in the future lol) and they all were saddened to hear that bedtime was upon us again. Again my kids lamented that they *had* to go to Disney World and wished they could stay a few more days and play with their friends.
We've been to Disney World before, they are not giving up the unknown. They remember all the magic and awesome that it holds and the fact that they are both willing to give up that to have more of this (which ever this this may be) makes me glad that we didn't fly. We didn't hurry. We didn't sacrifice the getting there to just be there. It makes me proud that we are teaching our children that life is a journey, not a destination.

alllllMosssst Time...

when I was younger I worked at a camp for developmentally delayed kids & adults. That job was followed by working in a home setting with some of the same people. It still echoes in my memories, still provides a lot of my mental sound effects. I still can't pass a bottle of yoohoo or think the time for something is approaching without hearing the voice of one of the campers singing out. Sometimes when I declare something to be true or just or simply fact without back up I will give it more weight by adding "the schmidt has spoken!" which sadly doesnt even translate into my current set of friends. When I am shortchanged at the store my internal dialogue is typically an instant "oh my word hun that b!&#* stole my dollar!" (which was exclaimed for the original time in the middle of church following a misunderstanding about offering). When I am out shopping and hear an exuberant sneeze it always makes me want to check under the rack to see if, perhaps, dentures have used it as a means of escape. More than once while listening to kids sing 'row row row your boat' in my head I've subbed in a hearty 'throw the nurse overboard and listen to her scream' while everyone else went merrily merrily merrily along. When I see a rousing game of get your nose (when you but your thumb into your fist and steal their nose) I remember a Dad having to drive back down the road to pick up the nose of his young son after that game fell flat on their drive to camp.

It taught me compassion and patience. It gave me the opportunity to realize different wasnt all that different after all. I love that it was such a learning ground for me. It taught me even long after I stopped working there. When my babies were little and would cry without end and I would start to feel the frazzle of it all, I remembered the first camper I fell in love with. He didnt fit into any of the standard categories of our campers and my leader told me once that he was a shaken baby. It still breaks my heart. It taught me to always look people in the eyes and smile. To not stare. To not do things for people simply because it might take less time. That laughter translates across the gaps. It was supposed to be a job, it turned into an education that still teaches me.

laying in the dark...

listening to the soothing hum of slumbering schilldren and cuddled up next to Jeremy. i am so pleased that home is something we carry with us. we are eight hours from our house and yet we are home. we pulled into the driveway and my babies jumped out and started to play with their friends, as if we were here yesterday. they picked up where they left off last time and it is so awesome to watch. we drove onto a secured base that has such a sense of belonging and ownership, i feel like we lack that where we are stationed. i have forgotten how much i missed it. it makes me homesick for my childhood, the one pre death and chaos and upheaval. the time when we ran the neighborhood til the street lights came on. i see aafes and m.p.s and a shoppette and suddenly i am an air force brat again. i hope sleep doesn't elude me tonight, there is too much fun to be had tomorrow.