Reconciling

A few months ago our family met family from out of state in Chicago for the day.  We had a great visit and took a whirlwind tour of Shedd Aquarium.  I didn't realize how much fun the boychild would have  there.  No sooner than we left he started talking about wanting to go back.  It was so much fun that I kept my eyes peeled for a good deal so we could take the whole circus back on the road.  Thankfully Groupon had a great deal and I snagged passes for our family at a great discount before Christmas and we just had to wait for a time when all our schedules aligned.  That day was yesterday! We trekked to the city after his basketball game and had an adventure.  The drive down was pretty easy until we hit city traffic and then trying to park became a haphazard game of Tetris.  Thankfully this time we didn't have to stand outside in the bitter cold waiting in line to purchase tickets which saved us an easy hour of waiting!!  JoshyP REALLY wanted to pet the sturgeon because he enjoyed it last time...he talked about it non stop. After checking out several new displays we didn't see last time it was sturgeon time.  He had been so patient and we'd even walked passed the display TWICE without stopping.  We went and got in line and he was chattering a mile a minute.  Finally it was his turn.  Well, the fish didn't cooperate.  JoshyP had done his part. He washed his hands like they told him and prepared himself by getting his two finger touch ready. The fish just wouldn't swim by. They swam to his left and right and deeper than he could reach. He was frustrated and started to melt but his daddy encouraged him to stick with it.  After about 5 minutes of trying (which in museum time seems like about 30 minutes easy) he finally got to brush a fish as it passed him by. The attendant had been repeating NONSTOP "Once you've touched a fish please leave to give others a chance" so he felt like he needed to leave even though he didn't get a 'good' touch. 

 He came out of the line hot. I could see it on his face and knew he was going to flip. In that moment his aunt asked "What is he so upset about?"   and I cringed.  He gets upset, then embarrassed and then it escalates. I was searching for words and heard myself say "Nothing, he's reconciling. He expected it to happen one way and happened another.  So, he's just reconciling what happened with what he wanted to happen.  He just needs a few minutes"
 

I gasped at what I had said.  It was totally the first time I heard it too! It brought tears to my eyes. He was just reconciling.  His reality from his expectation.

and it's clunky

and it's not easy 

and it's not fun

and an audience doesn't help

and it will get better as he gets better at it

BUT rushing him through the process doesn't give him the skills to do it.  Actually, it denies him learning the  process and makes him not able to do it for himself.
 

We left him alone and just went about our visit, not coddling  simply carrying on and within a few minutes he was back to enjoying our adventure.  By the time we left he was kidding about how the fish were like "Woah, get out of my space" today and it was good.  

I am so thankful that God gave me that word.  Reconcile.  It's a huge word that is so important. We all need to reconcile our feelings, our expectations, and if you're grown even your check book needs to be reconciled from time to time.  The difference between my reconciling and his is I have a slightly better poker face while doing it.  slightly. 

 

Expectations

Last night our Kaitygirl went to her first school dance.  I typically ask our kids "what do we expect" before we go places so that behavior expectations are clear.  I know, fun righ?  We were talking about her dance and she was all giggly and excited.  It was a 20 minute drive and we were about half way in and I just asked "So kiddo, what do we expect?" Without missing a beat she rattled off the following:


You expect me to stand and sit like a lady.
You expect me to dance appropriately.
And what does that mean baby?
Keep my booty in check and not to make others uncomfortable with my dancing.
You expect me to respect authority.
You expect me to be kind and think of others feelings.
You expect me to say please and thank you.
You expect me to not be mean to others.
You expect me to have fun.


In a nutshell my 13 yr old summed up how to behave in life.  I didn't cry although my eyes filled with tears.  I didn't say anything really....I just nodded and she continued to sing along to the radio.   If you've seen my sweet girl dance then you'll understand our "keep your booty in check" comments.  She's got rhythm and funk and feels the music deep, yo!  I am so thankful for my sweet baby.  I love that having fun was the last thing...fun shouldn't trump thinking of others.

There are days that I stumble all over our parenting plan.  I fall short and come up empty.  Tonight reassured me that there are far more good days than empty ones.  That even though I feel inept at times our lessons are being heard and learned. 


Such a beautiful conversation in the midst of the madness that spoke so deeply to me.