I am in...

love.
awe.
the right place. What a powerful realization.

I have never spent a night truly away from my children. I was having Joshua when I was away from Kaity for the first time. Jeremy and I went away for a weekend and spent the night in a hotel, with the children and my mom in a room at the opposite end of the hall. I simply had never left them before. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep my head in the event I was going to because of the tug of my heartstrings and the fact I was missing my babies. Oh silly girl. Before I was a mother, God was a father. He knows a parents heart. He wouldn't call me to be in a place and not equip me to be in that place. I was fully there, start to finish.

I have never, in my life, been able to fully praise for my trials. I found myself, in the course of my week, praising God for each heartbreak and trial that brought me closer to each of the kids I was lucky enough to share CIY with. I left Waukegan on Monday enjoying being involved with a youth group. I left Carbondale on Saturday in love with the kids that God has allowed me to belong to. I saw random acts of kindness, selfless acts of love, open acts of worship, prayerful consideration of self. Over and over and over and over. SO much more I want to address but words seem to lessen the value of what was experienced. I am simply thankful.

Growing Pains.

No, thankfully it's not the girlchild or the boychild this time. Although, it does seem like they are both about due, her more than him. This time it's me. Emotional growing pains. The sort that are not cured by a heating pad and a dose of Motrin. I have felt the tug and pull of relationships growing and in some cases fading recently. I tend to over think and try to figure out cause and reason but the simple fact is sometimes relationships are for a season. I am feeling the growing pains of raising children with incredibly different love languages and vastly differing disciplinary needs. It's a bit like riding a roller coaster. Some days I feel the thrill of the getcherbelly as I get something spot on right and other days I hold on for dear life as I go hurtling through parental corkscrews and barrel rolls. I am also feeling the growing pains of leaving the children alone for a week. I am so conflicted. I have never done this before so as I pack and get prepared to go for a week solo it feels a bit like being naked. I have not packed for one in a very long time. It feels foreign to pack ONE swimsuit and ONE blanket. No need for Flintstones or sparkle mint toothpaste on this trip. I have gathered my things and am loading my suitcase and wondering how exactly does one sleep w/o a Joshypot sneaking into your bed in the wee hours. I mean he knows the moment I get "lonely" and comes in to snuggle. Just ask him, he'll tell ya! Jeremy has so many things planned for their week, the perfect balance of "go & do" with "sit & be". Menu's have been made and secret fun has been planned. I can't wait to hear the tales that will be told when I return. Growing pains are uncomfortable. They are also necessary. I am not sure I'll grow as gracefully as I should but I here I go.....

I just received a really neat award from two very special people. It's a sort of pay it forward as you are supposed to 1. thank the sender of the Cherry Award. 2. list 3 things about yourself that you love and then forward it on to 5 people who you enjoy reading. I've won an award so I'm feeling a little like Sally Field right now ;) So without further ado.....

1. thank you Jamie (from http://seeyouaboutthedecks.blogspot.com/ ) and Rose (from http://clanbrunn.blogspot.com/ ) I appreciate the nod.

2. 3 things I love about me.

1. I love that I am who I am who I am. I don't play chameleon for the crowd, what you see is what you get. I may not be very refined or proper I am funny, goofy, genuine, and true.

2. I love my filter. I am a finder of silver linings & a believer in happy endings. My glass is perpetually more than 1/2 full. I find myself finding blessings in corners where you'd think only cobwebs and darkness live.

3. I love my relationship with the Lord. I think it flavors every aspect of who I am and really is the reason 1 and 2 are true. Because of my relationship with Jesus and His love for me I can love my family in a way that is bigger and deeper than I ever imagined.

3. And now to pass this along to 5 more people:

1 Pj @ http://sugaraddictannonymous.blogspot.com/

2. Ashleigh @ http://www.crossedanchorskindalove.com/

3. Gretchen @ http://sewgg.blogspot.com/

4. Lindy @ http://mrs-rogers-neighborhood.blogspot.com/

5. Katie @ http://paynetingapicture.blogspot.com/

Finding a yes.

I recently met a woman who probably doesn't even realize the power of her sweet spirit. She is the mother of boys. Multiple boys. She survived. Her boys did as well. On an incredibly rough day I find much comfort in those 2 simple facts. One of the pieces of wisdom she imparted was after hearing my concerns about Joshua hearing "no, stop, quit, don't" so often during the day. She had a boy with that 'problem' and said that she made a "list of yes". When she would find herself giving him repeated 'no''s in a day she would tell him to go and find a yes. Together they had created a list of things that were always "yes" and posted it on their fridge. We are in the process of compiling our list of yes.
We have had a very busy full week and it's only Wednesday. We've been up at 730 (unheard of in casa de schill) and on the road by 800. Our mornings are stuffed full of fun til noon then we come home hungry, hot, and worn out. Joshua is a creature of habit and this week has thrown him for a loop. Today was very trying as he was contrary at every corner. I corrected him repeatedly, kept my temper and remained as soothing and calm as I could. Despite my efforts, he was still contrary and I was still as frustrated as he was. Then I remembered to find him a yes. So at 4pm when I started to make dinner we found his yes. I wanted to hurry and get it done instead I invited him into the kitchen. He came and helped me make dinner. He mixed. He measured. He stirred. He read directions. He beamed. He calmed. He reset his contrary. He has not had a meltdown in the past 2 hours. He was soothed as his little self was stuffed with "yes" and "good job" and "you are doing great!". I am so thankful for the wisdom of Moms who have btdt. I am glad that I didn't keep swimming upstream and instead changed the current simply by finding my sweet boy a yes.

Joshua decided last night...

that he likes being nice...when he gets stuff. Kaity, being older and wiser, says to her brother "Getting stuff is nice but it's not always the reward. The reward is that it makes your heart happy, like your heart is smiling because you did something nice." She gets this face that is all thoughtful and earnest as she is telling her brother this important lesson. He pauses and takes it all in. Tilts his head the side and with just as much thought and sincerity says "Well, my heart thinks that's stupid." Oh that boy makes me laugh.

Consequences often...

...outlive the moment of decision. It's such a hard lesson to learn and often even more painful to watch unfold. We have parented with "natural consequences" front and center in our repertoire of parenting tricks. I am the parent with the children shivering on their way to the van because they chose to not listen and put on a coat. I am the parent of the kids who wear sweatpants a few times in the summer because they are sure they know better than the we do. I feel like it is important to teach them that they have the power to make the decisions but also have to deal with the consequences those decisions result in. Now, I don't allow them to play in traffic or swim with sharks because they've chosen too. However, I think natural consequences, within boundaries, builds character. Our children are young now and the consequences for their actions is, at most, mild discomfort. As they grow so does the potential for the repercussions for their actions. Watching consequences unfold that cause my children discomfort is tough! They are little now but eventually they will be grown and hopefully responsible. Hopefully we are teaching them how to look around corners and anticipate end results. Or we are totally jacking them up and they'll end up on Oprah....I wonder if I'll get to sit on stage with them or be in the audience.