These are the days....

that really blur together. The days when waking up and the daily hustle and bustle fuse into the next day and the day after. My mantra when my babies were little was (albeit probably not a GOOD mantra) "they will never remember this", as I awkwardly figured out the motherhood gig. They will never remember the diaper being put on backwards, the shower I received while learning the differences between changing a daughter and a son. Never will they recount the times I forgot naps, or socks, or toys to distract them in the car. All the things that I fumbled will stay tucked safely in my memory not theirs. My mantra has changed over the past year my 'never' has become 'may' and it's truly impacted the way I do things. Rushing through the routine takes roughly only 3 minutes less time than enjoying it. Singing all the verses to a bedtime song adds less than 90 seconds. Letting them help me stir the sauce or chop the veggies will only delay dinner by 5 minutes. I figure even in the hustle and bustle of it all I can spare 10 minutes.

This could be the moment they remember. The first deposit they contribute into the memory bank that is their childhood. Not the retelling of a story they've heard so many times that it feels like they remember. I want that when they will recall these moments later they will feel delighted in not endured. I am the first to admit I over think and am probably pouring more into the concept of this than it is worthy of holding. Or maybe not.
I don't delude myself into thinking they will not remember the crazy mommy moments I have. The instantly infuriating quest for a shoe when we are running late. The sighs that escape my lips while explaining for the 100th time why we must wear a seat belt. The short tempered moments are going to be there but I hopefully I can temper them with the patient ones as well.

A red headed baby.

Odds are if you asked me while I was pregnant with Kaity what I wanted that was the answer you got. She was born and the dream of our family of two growing was realized. Her little round head has bald but for the red fuzz that made my heart sing. When she was born she was whisked away to the nicu for a bit because she, like her momma, has a flair for the dramatic entrance. My nurse used her coming back as a bartering tool. I could have my baby if I ate my lunch. I could have my baby if I took a shower. Now I realize how funny that is but at the time I actually ate my lunch and offered my tray to the nurse with a questioning look. I passed! I took a shower and hurried to dress. I came into my room and sat waiting to get my baby. She promised. A little while later in came my husband turned Daddy in a moment pushing our bundle of prayers. Jeremy had gone with her to the nicu and not left her side. He, from the moment she was born, was her protector. He handed her to me and I looked at this little burrito of a girl. I hadn't gotten to inspect her. I asked the nurse "Can I take off her blanket?" "Can I take off her hat?" "Can I nurse her?" I mean I already had to eat a sandwich to get to SEE her! As I undressed her and got to lay my eyes on that fuzzy round head I think it started to sink in. After years of aching, longing, praying, pleading, asking, wanting, hoping, dreaming, I was a Mom. She was patient as we learned all the things we needed to know. She still is patient and we still are learning. She is kind and gentle like her father, she is loud and goofy like me. She is everything. We are thankful. Life is good.

The Little Dipper

Today was a day of nostalgia, it was the last day that Kaity would ever be an 8 yr old. She told me several time today that it was the last time she would ever have breakfast as an 8 yr old, the last time she was going to six flags as an 8 yr old. While were at 6 Flags she was so excited that The Little Dipper was open. It opened on Memorial Day but we were off celebrating Kunks graduation so we had not had a chance to ride it yet. It was to be the last ride of her last day at 6 flags as an 8 yr old. She stood in line for almost an hour and then when they were the next people to be loaded onto the ride it broke down. She was so disappointed. As everybody filed back out the entrance line, snaking through the entire cue line they had spent an hour progressing through I saw several angry adults, several pouting children, and a lot of disappointment. The staff at 6 flags were trying to help soothe the feathers of all of the guests with a ticket for a free beverage at another time for the inconvenience. Kaity had seen people passing out these little slips of paper and it had tempered the disappointment for a moment. We had gotten passes like that before but they allowed you to enter a ride through the exit and skip the line. She was sure that is what the pass would say. When it was placed in her hand and it said a free drink her shoulders slumped. We were walking towards the exit to go home for the day and she looked at me and said "I will never get to ride Little Dipper as an 8 yr old Mom, tomorrow I will be 9 and I really wanted to ride it as an 8 yr old" It was the end of a very full, very fun day and I didn't want that to be the note that we ended our day on. As we walked I asked her how we could fix it. She knew the ride was broken and it was already 20 minutes past closing so riding it simply wouldn't happen. She asked if we could talk to "a boss" about it. I wasn't in the line, I didn't get turned away so I told her she could talk to one if she chose. It became a teaching moment, which I am totally geeked for finding. She started to think about what she wanted to tell the boss. I listened to her words spilling out, how she was frustrated and we didn't need a drink coupon, how it was her last day as an 8 yr old, how she had stood in line for so long. I talked to her about how it was okay to be disappointed it was not okay to be rude. It is okay to negotiate for what you want but a negotiation is not a guarantee. As we approached the exit she was ready to talk to a boss and her shoulders were no longer slumped. Right before we got to an exit I said "Okay baby don't forget to...." and she interjected "Speak slowly, enunciate, and talk loud enough for them to hear me, I'm ready Mom and if they say no I will just say thank you to them for listening" She walked up to a man dressed in a shirt and tie and said:
"Excuse me, may I speak to you for a minute?" He smiled at her and said sure and she took a deep breath and continued, "Hi, my name is Kaity and I am 8 years old. Tomorrow is my birthday and I really wanted to ride Little Dipper but it broke when we were in the line. They gave us coupons for a free drink but we have had a lot of drinks today. I was just wondering if I could trade my drink passes for a pass to go in the out, I have gotten to go in the out before and you don't have to stand in line." Pretty articulate for a tired 8 year old, the boss thought so too. He smiled at her and motioned to the lady next to him "My friend here can help you with that Kaity, I'm sorry you didn't get to ride" The friend reached in her fanny pack o'goodies and pulled out the passes that Kaity thought she was getting. She gave her enough for our entire family and then told her to keep the drink coupons too. They wished her a Happy Birthday and we walked over to join the rest of our group. Our day had ended and it wasn't with slumped shoulders and pouting face. Instead it was pride on that freckled face. She learned, on this last day of being 8 years old, that you get to negotiate in your life, this time with better than expected results. I am sure this is a lesson we will revisit throughout her life, I want her to be empowered not entitled. I want her to know she can stand up for herself and still be respectful, kind, and thoughtful. Today she learned that she is a Tigger not an Eeyore. What a great day!

I'm too excited to sleep.....

Have you seen the Disney commercial? Little kids giggling and squirming because leaving for Disney is looming on the horizon, then the parents get settled and cannot sleep either? That was me last night. I am so excited for a visit from our friends. My favorite book of all time is Anne of Green Gables. So much so that I took to spelling my name Kamryne for a time simply because it was "so much more distinguished". It is one of the few books that I can read over and again, each time rushing towards the end while trying to pace myself because I don't want it to end. I saw the movies and as soon as each character would appear I would know who they were because they matched the people I had created in my head. I said all that to say that Mandy is my Diana Barry. She is my bosom friend, my kindred spirit. The kind of friend that everyone should have at least one of. Somehow I lucked out and got more than my share! I thought my girlchild was sharing my excitement for their arrival last night as she declared with particular zeal "I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!" I grinned at her and asked why, so we could squeal together. She replies "I put a twinkie in the freezer and Daddy said I can eat it for breakfast in the morning!!" with a huge grin on her face. Only then does she register my look of excitement and hurries to add "...and Aunt Mandy, Uncle Ifiok, and Caleb are coming too" Well, I guess one does have to have priorities!

Welcome Signs

Kaity decided that she needed to create a welcome sign for the arrival of Aunt Mandy, Uncle Ifiok and Caleb. She worked on the Welcome with gusto. She colored hearts and added smiles. She decided to make it even more special and put everybody names on the sign. She wrote Aunt Mandy w/o help. She started to write Uncle Ifiok. She got Uncle down the wrote I-f-i
"Mom will you help me spell Uncle Ifiok? Well not the Uncle I've got that just the Ifiok and not the whole Ifiok I've got I-F-I what is next?"
O-K
*pause* "Um, okay...what's next?"
O-K
*pause* "Okay, I'm waiting....what's next?"
"Kaity the letters oh and kay are next"
*pause as it registers* "ooooookay, umm the word not the letters, I get it!"

bwahahahaha!!!

Presence not Presents.

We have always been a birthday partying lot. When Kaity and Joshua were younger we'd have a party at our house, one in central Illinois w/my side of the family, and then another in central Wisconsin with Jeremys side of the family. At one point Kaity thought she went from 2 to 5 in the course of a few weeks! As the Schilldren have grown so have our party tastes. So much planning, plotting, creating, and cooking started to make June (for Kaity) and October (for Joshua) seem weeks apart! Last year we started 'even party' & 'odd day out'. This year is Kaity's "Odd Day Out" and she's picked a doozie! If you would like to come and join us for any part of her day of celebratin' you are more than welcome. Her actual birthday and opening day for Toy Story 3 is this Friday June 18th!

Itinerary:
11:30 Glow in the Dark Golf @ Hawthorne Center in Vernon Hills (military only $4 and you can play LOTS of holes!)

2pm Lunch at Olive Garden in Vernon Hills (complete with singing!!)

5:30 (or closest time to 530 w/3-d) Toy Story 3 @ Kerasotes Showplace 8 (behind On the Border)

She is turning 9 and would love to have you come and celebrate with us!! No presents required only your presence :)


I have been asked for gift ideas so here are a few:
Diary
Books (She likes the author Liz Kessler (or anybody similar) but has the entire emily windsnap series already)
nail polish
bracelets
mad libs
books
books
books
:)

Enemy thy name is....

sleep. I am not sure when exactly it became a nightly battle I fight with myself but it has. I lay in bed for hours. I am not anxious. I am not excited. I am not exhausted. I am simply awake. A few nights ago I didn't fall asleep til about 730 in the morning. Up all night and attempted to medicate myself w/ Tylenol PM but it just didn't take. At about 645 I lost my mind and woke Jeremy up, so he would know that I couldn't sleep. I figured he'd want to know that, right? I am always amazed when I do something like that because he wakes up and deals with me gently and with kindness. Not exactly what one would expect when you wake somebody up from a dead sleep knowing they have to go to work shortly. Jeremy woke up and got me tucked in and rubbed my back and my legs for about 45 minutes until I fell asleep. The following night I couldn't sleep. I did all the things my doctor recommended before finally deciding to give in and take the prescription my headache doctor had written. It was well after 2am when I got up to take the meds, when I came back to bed Jeremy had moved my pillow all the way next to his and was laying awake, waiting for me. I crawled into bed and he tucked my head under his chin and held me. he is home. i am so thankful for that. i slept.

In the middle of the night....

my baby boy will wake up. Usually at least 1/2 the week we are sleepin' triple in a king sized bed. I don't mind it much, he's growing up so quickly that I like the times that he's snuggly and doesn't mind the extra cuddles that climbing into my bed require. The rule for climbing into our bed is simple. You MUST go potty first because there was a time he was responsible for the changing of the sheets daily. Joshua is willful and stubborn, things I adore about him and that I think will serve him well when he's older, and exhausting at times. He is getting to the point that he doesn't like kisses in public and the hugs have slowed down. However, in the middle of the night, when his tired little self comes into my room he is bedwarm and soft. He is typically thoughtful but it makes my heart melt when he comes in quietly to our room. He will go into the bathroom completely dark and shuts the door behind him. Only then will he turn on the light and go potty. Flush and wash his hands and turn off the light and open the door. No one ever taught him to do that he just noticed one night that the light made our room brighter and he knew we liked to sleep in the dark. He does NOT like to sleep in the dark. He falls asleep with a nightlight, his closet light and the room light on, so that makes it even sweeter to me. He will then crawl up the middle between the maze of legs and find a free spot of pillow. Truth be told he has his own pillow in our room, he finds the coolest corner snuggles down under the blankets and whispers 'night guys' and goes back to sleep. I know these things because sometimes when I hear him stirring in his room and walking down the hall I will hurry to lay down and feign sleep. I love to watch his thoughtful nature in action, to see his careful movements. The stealth of his whole 5 yrs tempered with the klutzy of being freshly out of bed. Last night as he started to climb into the bed by our feet I opened my eyes and asked him to come to my side. He knew what was coming, when the mommy asks for him to come over it's snuggle time! He crawled into my bed over me and I captured him in my arms. The top of his head tucked under my chin, I scratched his back and listed all the things that I like about him. All the things that make my heart happy and my eyes smile. In the course of our day he had heard "no, stop, quit, don't" so often I wanted to be sure that "yes, go, continue, of course" were also all well within his grasp. Oh how I love that boychild of mine.

Left In.

Kaity is almost 9 yrs old, my sister Sarah is almost 16. There has never been a time when Kaity didn't think that Sarah was the coolest girl ever. She dubbed her TTSW when she was little and sounding out Auntie Sarah, over time she has just become TeeTee or T. The difference in age wasn't horrible when Kaity was a baby. Tt loved to dote on her and enjoyed being copied, followed and sought after by the ever enamoured Kaity. The past few years the age difference has become more and more apparent. T is out of toys in and into boys, Kaity longs for the imaginations at play that she and T would spend hours on. It isn't a laying of blame, it's just the pain of growing up. We went to my moms for graduation and Kaity was leery about hanging out with T. You see, to Kaity, it feels like T no longer likes her. That she's not cool enough to hang out with Ttsw. Inevitably every single time we see ttsw lately Kaity ends up with hurt feelings. Sometimes she cries, other times she just sucks it up, but it always makes my heart ache for her. We've started talking about the 'filter' you view things through. This trip I told Kaity if she felt left out she needed to tell me before it hurt her feelings so we could deal with it. That sometimes when you anticipate feeling badly or having a bad time then you become more sensitive to it. Instead go in with a happy heart and the expectation of having fun. The day after we got to my moms Kaity asked me to come into the bedroom and pray with her. She was feeling left out and her feelings were hurting she said. We prayed. Prayed that she would have fun, that ttsw would have fun, that feelings wouldn't be hurt and that we could celebrate graduation with happy hearts. Kaity left the room with a smile on her face and not 10 minutes later Sarah approached me and asked if she could take Kaity with her and a friend to get their nails done. Sarah knew nothing of Kaity's prayers, of Kaity's angst and hurt feelings. I am so thankful to a God that cares about the feelings of my baby girl. Kaity got to hang out with the big girls all afternoon. They went to lunch, got their nails done, and listened to music while hanging out with one of Sarah's friends who was the driver. I am also thankful that Gods grace was not lost on my almost 9 yr old. She came home and whispered "I feel left in Mom, we prayed and God made me feel left in!"

We are living better...

Joshy and I were at the commissary the other afternoon. Just the 2 of us cruising the aisles as he flip flopped between being okay with the chore and pretty sure he was on the brink of a boring death. I started tasking him with finding various items as we hurried through the store. In the paper towels and toilet paper aisle Joshy stopped dead in his tracks and picked up some random brand of toilet paper. "we need this one mom. it's on rollback. rollback saves you money and we live better." straight faced and proud.



i need to limit his tv viewing.

I couldn't even make this up...

Kaity is a lot like me in a lot of ways. Obviously she's rockin' out the red hair and has a smattering of freckles like me, but she also gets super excited the night before anything cool happens and has a hard time going to sleep. You can bet on the eve of every birthday, holiday, or company visit she will be up til the wee hours giddy with the excitement of what fun is looming on the horizon. Last night she was super excited from all the fun she'd had at a birthday party and the fact that we were going to do fun things with Grandma & Grandpa Schill...or so I thought. She had actually written her Daddy and I a letter and it was the anticipation of giving it to us that was causing her to lay awake. She came downstairs wide awake and yet exhausted. I held her on my lap rubbing her back and cuddled her as she settled down and fell into a twilight sleep. Jeremy carried her upstairs into her bed and she snuggled into her bed and slept. This morning she came bounding downstairs all grins with something behind her back. She called us together in the living room and handed us a piece of paper. She has a notebook next to her bed because she is a writer of stories and when the urge strikes she has permission to write down her ideas so she doesn't forget them. Last night her idea notebook was the canvas for her letter. Here it is exactly as she wrote it:

Dear Mom and Dad,
I just thought of the wonderful things you guys do for me like feeding me, Loving me and much more sometimes on the road of life I make wrong turns but with some help from you I can get back on track on the road of life. I have a long way to go but with help from you I can get there even faster. So thanks for all the wonderful things you do and mo matter how big I get I'll always be your little girl.
Love your dautgher,
Kaity

LOVE YA!
(insert a few hearts and smiley faces here)


Seriously? How did we get so lucky? What a fantastic way to start a Saturday that was already shaping up to be filled with fun.

Ice cream theology

Kaity is a thoughtful girl, she asks questions that I have to mull over before answering. I don't want to bluff my way through but rather give her sound answers as she is building her own cache of knowledge. On the way home from Mattoon this weekend she asked if clouds had weight, if they did how did they stay in the sky since gravity should pull them down. Seriously, I don't think I have EVER wondered how clouds stay in the sky. She and Jeremy talked for probably 20 minutes in depth about it as I sat in awe of the way her mind works. Today she asked me about religions. She wanted to know what the difference was between catholics (which she pronounced cath-o-hol-ics) and lutherans and what exactly we would be considered. Joshua piped up and started wondering the same thing so this morning we decided that your relationship with Jesus is ice cream. We love ice cream, Kaity likes hers with toppings while Joshypot prefers his plain. We talked about how the different religions are toppings. some people feel more comfortable worshipping Jesus with people who only like the same toppings. She asked what topping we were, I said we go to a non denominational church which means that we just love ice cream. We worship in a place where different toppings are welcomed and embraced. We talked about how the fundamentally important part is that we have a relationship with Jesus. I think they got it, and I hope I didn't botch anything too much. Whew......whatta morning!