Getting there is part...

...of the adventure. I truly believe this. I think now things are too instant. Road trips are becoming obsolete. The getting there is a waste of the being there time. I want our children to enjoy the journey. All the time. Savor getting there so that when you arrive you know what it took to be able to enjoy the time.
We are heading for Disney World, which is our most favorite family destinations. We all enjoy the wonder and magic that being in Mickey's house brings. As we've travelled well over a thousand miles in the course of what will be 5 days when we roll in tomorrow it's already been more fun than we'd imagined. We started after work on Monday driving our customary 1 hour past the children losing their minds. That is, of course, how all well intended vacations start in our family so we would be remiss to do it any other way. We stayed at a hotel and cuddled in beds and whispered good nights. Woke early, refreshed and ready for our second day of travel. We enjoyed the breakfast offerings of the hotel and walked barefooted through the halls as we began to pack everything back into it's place. On the road before 10 and spirits were high. We listened to audio theater & laughed and talked as we passed mile after mile after mile. A gloriously 80's station came on the radio and I felt the need to dance...with gusto. I was finding my inner Billy Idol as I "Mony-Mony"ed my way past a truck driver who smiled and gave me a thumbs up. In that very moment I graduated into a category of Mom that I never thought I'd know. My son grimaced in the backseat and slunk down into his high backed booster, as he is not even big enough yet to travel without it, and from behind his hands declared "Moooooom! that's so embarrassing!" I dare say I sat a little taller and went felt tilt when "Ice Ice Baby" came on next!
We arrived at our destination for the night and met friends who had become family in Georgia. I am always so amazed by the kindness shown to us by those we love. We got to hang out and enjoy quiet time and just jabber the night away. I hugged this great big manchild that I had once carried around on my hip! Listened to stories of college and first jobs from the girl who used to dress up like Alice and spin through the living room. We were treated like special guests and it was a fantastic feeling. The kids traded baths for bonus playing time. The girl child snuggled up w/the grown ups as we watched TV and bantered back and forth while the boychild got to feel like a big brother for a bit and show his friend the nintendo-ds playing ropes. Bed rest didn't feel like a confinement but rather a reason to be still and enjoy the beauty of nothing, at least it did to us. Kaity and I knelt in front of Mandy for such long periods of time, just having conversations and the whole while feeling for the movements of the next girlchild to join our family. Both my babies had eyes full of wonder and awe as they felt Aunt Mandy's belly move from the inside out. Bedtime was the enemy of fun and as it was time to get back on the road they both lamented that they *had* to go to Disney World instead of staying longer w/their family.
The road was again our home as we set out for the 3rd leg of our journey. Driving to meet a friend whom I'd known since Kaity was little and Joshua was a dream we had yet to realize. We had known each other years before we got to meet face to face and the moment we did it was like going home. We've not seen them since our family left Virginia when Joshua was still a baby. I can't believe it's been that long. We pulled up to the drive way and barefooted babies who are actually great big girls ran out to meet us. They were so excited at the thought of us. Gabby and I sat down and started in as if it was yesterday when last we'd been together. I am so thankful for friendships that don't acknowledge the concept of time. We were treated like royalty and have enjoyed every second. Hide and seek was played, cocoa consumed, laughter and squealing spilling forth from tiny mouths. At one point Kaity came downstairs wide eyed and shaking her head, "Mom....they both wanted me to play and each of them took an arm and started pulling in opposite directions! I thought that only happened on the movies, not for REAL LIFE!" Joshua was pleased to teach them how to play Ninja (I apologized then, will now, and probably several times in the future lol) and they all were saddened to hear that bedtime was upon us again. Again my kids lamented that they *had* to go to Disney World and wished they could stay a few more days and play with their friends.
We've been to Disney World before, they are not giving up the unknown. They remember all the magic and awesome that it holds and the fact that they are both willing to give up that to have more of this (which ever this this may be) makes me glad that we didn't fly. We didn't hurry. We didn't sacrifice the getting there to just be there. It makes me proud that we are teaching our children that life is a journey, not a destination.

alllllMosssst Time...

when I was younger I worked at a camp for developmentally delayed kids & adults. That job was followed by working in a home setting with some of the same people. It still echoes in my memories, still provides a lot of my mental sound effects. I still can't pass a bottle of yoohoo or think the time for something is approaching without hearing the voice of one of the campers singing out. Sometimes when I declare something to be true or just or simply fact without back up I will give it more weight by adding "the schmidt has spoken!" which sadly doesnt even translate into my current set of friends. When I am shortchanged at the store my internal dialogue is typically an instant "oh my word hun that b!&#* stole my dollar!" (which was exclaimed for the original time in the middle of church following a misunderstanding about offering). When I am out shopping and hear an exuberant sneeze it always makes me want to check under the rack to see if, perhaps, dentures have used it as a means of escape. More than once while listening to kids sing 'row row row your boat' in my head I've subbed in a hearty 'throw the nurse overboard and listen to her scream' while everyone else went merrily merrily merrily along. When I see a rousing game of get your nose (when you but your thumb into your fist and steal their nose) I remember a Dad having to drive back down the road to pick up the nose of his young son after that game fell flat on their drive to camp.

It taught me compassion and patience. It gave me the opportunity to realize different wasnt all that different after all. I love that it was such a learning ground for me. It taught me even long after I stopped working there. When my babies were little and would cry without end and I would start to feel the frazzle of it all, I remembered the first camper I fell in love with. He didnt fit into any of the standard categories of our campers and my leader told me once that he was a shaken baby. It still breaks my heart. It taught me to always look people in the eyes and smile. To not stare. To not do things for people simply because it might take less time. That laughter translates across the gaps. It was supposed to be a job, it turned into an education that still teaches me.

laying in the dark...

listening to the soothing hum of slumbering schilldren and cuddled up next to Jeremy. i am so pleased that home is something we carry with us. we are eight hours from our house and yet we are home. we pulled into the driveway and my babies jumped out and started to play with their friends, as if we were here yesterday. they picked up where they left off last time and it is so awesome to watch. we drove onto a secured base that has such a sense of belonging and ownership, i feel like we lack that where we are stationed. i have forgotten how much i missed it. it makes me homesick for my childhood, the one pre death and chaos and upheaval. the time when we ran the neighborhood til the street lights came on. i see aafes and m.p.s and a shoppette and suddenly i am an air force brat again. i hope sleep doesn't elude me tonight, there is too much fun to be had tomorrow.

Oh that boy...

that baby of mine. The one who stole my heart as soon as I looked into his big blue eyes. He has turned 6. That's a big deal! That requires using both hands to count and I remember when the sum of him would fit entirely in to mine. It doesnt seem possible that 6 years have passed. My sweet baby is growing up. His teeth are wiggly, his feet are stinky, and he can do just about everything himself. Being the mom of a boy is such an adventure. I find myself taking special notice of trains and planes while we're traveling. I am sure to point out every stinky skunk I smell and he responds with a dramatic gag and erupts into giggles. He has made me a money launderer, a rock tumbler,and a melter of toys when his pockets are not emptied before his pants go into the laundry. From the time he was born he was a sympathy crier, it didn't matter if he knew the person crying or not he would sob to the core of his little self in sympathy. I am thankful that even as he has grown up he has retained that quality. He looks so much like his daddy but he is an undercover red head. He has my temper and stubborn streak. I am so thankful for that, it will carry him far as an adult. He is passionate and quick to defend those he loves. He is funny and wacky and still crawls into my bed in the middle of the night because he's afraid that I am lonely. He is my joshypot, my butter, my buddy-roo, the only boy to have won my heart since I met his daddy. He is growing up and no longer has his own speak, no more are there stories of "oh my doch, i tant beweeb it" (oh my gosh I can't believe it) now he corrects his mistakes and moves on. He opens doors when we go places, he always gets the cart for me when we shop. He enjoys being a gentleman and I pray he grows up to be a gentle man.
His birthday came and was celebrated in triplicate with family and friends far and near. He felt special and loved and important. He is settling in to being 6 and on the night of his birthday as I tucked him in after kisses and cuddles. After songs and prayers. As I was turning off the light to leave he said "Can you believe it Momma? I am almost SEVEN!"
Oh my sweet boychild, your momma's heart is barely able to handle six....let's not run any faster.

To watch her grow....

...makes me so proud. She is thoughtful and kind hearted and sincere. Traits that I think are discounted too often and encouraged too little. She carries these traits into every corner of her little life. She is thoughtful, kind hearted, and sincere about her schoolwork. about making friends. and about her faith. Her faith is what strikes me the most. She reads books like the words are water for her parched mind. Lots of books. Poetry and mysteries are her favorite but 6 weeks ago when school started in our house she started reading her bible in a different way. She has lessons weekly that require her to dig deeper than reciting a verse or phrase. It's a study that relates what she reads into her life. I look at her faith growing and her relationship with her Saviour deepening and am in awe. I am in awe that I get to be her mom and bear witness to it. I am in awe that she has grasped at such a young age the greatness of who He is. She has written music for years, has tunes in her head and lyrics in a now tattered journal. Her handwriting has gone from barely formed chunky letters to a fluid cursive. Her lyrics have evolved as well. Tonight I heard her singing in the shower and couldn't place the tune, it was because she was writing a song. She breathlessly sang to me and then tried to write out her lyrics. To see her sing anything is fun, she engages her audience and knows how to work a crowd. She is my daughter after all. To watch her sing praises to her King is almost beyond words.
I fell in love with idea of being the mom not too far after falling in love with Jeremy. He made me crave picket fences & the PTA. He showed me what love looked like and what happily ever after really meant. Currently, I have a plastic fence in the backyard that I share w/the neighbors and we home school so I've not quite fulfilled all the cravings but I'm certainly enjoying where we are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztiz0r554Ec

Today I am realizing

some of what we are missing as a homeschooling family. We have never been a part of anything larger than our family school-wise. I had never really felt that was something that was missing because we enjoyed the freedom of homeschooling and marching to the beat of our own drummer. This year we joined a homeschooling co-op and I am amazed at the difference a day can make. One day, each week, all of these kids "go" to school. Just the simple act of going to school is a big deal in our house. We lay out an outfit the night before and plan breakfast and pack a snack. We are only 2 wks in but both children are planning what they will take next year for classes and are making friends with whom they share a lot of commonalities. We are packing lunches for our very first field trip. A school field trip. Being an island is lonely, I hand't realized I was a schooling island before this year. I am glad to be a part of a village, a like minded village.

There's this boy....

I get the honor of schooling at my kitchen table. 5 days a week. rain or shine he shows up. Some days are better than others. Some days he struggles because being in 1st grade is hard. I relish in the fact that I am the one who gets to pour knowledge into him, it is rather selfish really. I love that I get to see the wheels turning as a concept is introduced and the eyebrows furrow ever so slightly as he is figuring it all out. Then as he beams with pride and shows of a newly acquired skill I am the one he looks to. I am the one he heralds as teacher. I was almost late to a dental appointment today because he was telling me all about magnets and magnetic poles and how only certain metals are attracted to a magnet. Telling me like it was the first time I'd ever heard it. Telling me like I hadn't spent the past half an hour reading the book and doing experiments with him. Telling me it first hand because the wheels had turned and the gears had caught and he had LEARNED it. He knew what he was talking about. During our history time we were talking about having a jealous heart. We talked about Cain and Abel and how their hearts were different and how God knows our hearts. My sweet Joshypot sat thoughtfully and said "I think I am more like Cain than Abel, I should ask God to fix that huh?" We had the best discussion about jealousy and being gracious. We talked in great detail and I was thoroughly impressed as he grasped the concept of right vs. wrong. How even the right actions with the wrong intention was displeasing to God. I was about to close the books and move on and he looked up at me and arched an eyebrow and said in a hushed tone, "So, how do you think he did it? gun? knife? big rock?" Oh that boychild of mine.

Define family...

who does it include? for how long? As a child I would have answered forever. Then my Daddy died and my concept of forever was shattered. For a while I would have answered it was what you what you were born into. Then I realized those are the people you are related to. Family, true family, was taught to me as a military spouse. I have family all across the country. Some I even found in other countries. I may only live near them or know them up close for a season but the love that our families share isn't contingent on the distance we live from one another. They love me and protect me, cherish me and encourage me. I do the same for them. It's not a favor to be traded or returned it's simply taking care of my family. I know the phenomenon isn't something that the military family has cornered but I do think it's something that exists more often within our ranks. When you have the broad wings that the pcs'ing adventure of military life gives you also learn to grow roots quickly. deep roots. The kind that don't notice the time that's passed since the last time you spoke on the phone. or the last time you hung out in person. Roots that are sustaining.

My Gramma Nichols...

...was strong and sassy and all of about 5ft. She was a spitfire and was always shaking her fist or her head to let you know exactly where you stood with her. I loved that I never had to wonder what was on her mind, well not for longer than the few minutes it took for her to share it. I remember undertaking making a dress when I was first married, I had never done such a thing. She was such an amazing seamstress she made me feel like surely I was capable. I called her in the dead of night, probably 2 or so in the morning, sobbing because I didn't understand how to make a dart. She said with absolutely no hesitation "Now Sis, you can do this." and continued to talk me through a pattern she'd never seen woken from a dead sleep with the calm strength that she seemed to effortlessly possess. When Jeremy and I lost our first pregnancy and I was morose and broken she wasn't the kind of person I would expect to be a soft place to fall. She was strong and terse and direct. But, she came to me and told me of her heartache, of her loss. Once more it was "Now Sis, you can do this". Her strong hands comforting me again just like they had covered mine from cross country while making a dress.
I said all that to say that in the past few years I've noticed my Mom has started to have my Gramma Nichols hands. She, too, is strong and capable. She, however, has always been my biggest cheerleader, fan, and soft place to fall. Her hands can make a blank canvas into a superhero for a grandbaby. A skein of yarn turns into a blanket to warm your very soul because you can feel the love as you snuggle in.
I said all that to say that in the past several months I've noticed my hands starting to age. To not look as young as they once did. I know a lot of people talk about filling shoes. I only hope I can live up to the hands that have come before mine.

You know how...

you sometimes mumble through the verses of a song and then belt out the chorus by heart? That's how I feel about my life lately. I feel like I'm mumbling through the verses but then something familiar and comfortable happens and I am belting out the chorus. Typically I have no problem making up my own words for the ones I forget or have never even known. Not now though, now I feel like everybody is singing the verses and I'm without lyrics....just waiting for the chorus.

How does a month...

go by with nary a post? I cannot fathom not having something word worthy and blogalicious in the past several weeks happen in our lives. And yet, here I sit wondering what in the world I will post about. Lets see lately we have been wrapping up the summer and preparing for the start of our 4th year of homeschooling. We went to the Bristol Ren Faire a few weekends ago and had a fantastic time. The warm weather and breeze made it a perfect day to spend walking around checking out the sights and sounds of Bristol. Sassafras and beef jerky were consumed (by the other 3 people in my family, I have better taste) in mass as we watched glass be blown and Moonie whistle his way through his show. We watched awesome acrobats and amazing whip work all while just soaking up the family time. Our summers are busy with company, so busy we lovingly refer to it as tourist season. Sometimes during the summer we forget to hold time aside for our little family to recharge and regroup. Bristol was a nice battery recharge.

We've been tending our little garden and are starting to enjoy the fruits and vegetables of our labor. Today we had our first batch of green beans big enough for a meal and they were gobbled up with gusto. The thrill of picking and gathering never gets old even if weeding is sometimes met with grimacing and fits, mostly by me!

I went to my first ever live theater show and saw "Wicked" it was such an awesome experience. I've never been before and as soon as it started I had to remind myself to exhale. I wanted to drink in ever nuance of the show since it was such a treat and not something our budget would allow often. Thankfully the USO provided our family with the amazing treat of getting to see Shrek in Chicago. I am so thankful for the blessings that God provides.

I am in...

love.
awe.
the right place. What a powerful realization.

I have never spent a night truly away from my children. I was having Joshua when I was away from Kaity for the first time. Jeremy and I went away for a weekend and spent the night in a hotel, with the children and my mom in a room at the opposite end of the hall. I simply had never left them before. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep my head in the event I was going to because of the tug of my heartstrings and the fact I was missing my babies. Oh silly girl. Before I was a mother, God was a father. He knows a parents heart. He wouldn't call me to be in a place and not equip me to be in that place. I was fully there, start to finish.

I have never, in my life, been able to fully praise for my trials. I found myself, in the course of my week, praising God for each heartbreak and trial that brought me closer to each of the kids I was lucky enough to share CIY with. I left Waukegan on Monday enjoying being involved with a youth group. I left Carbondale on Saturday in love with the kids that God has allowed me to belong to. I saw random acts of kindness, selfless acts of love, open acts of worship, prayerful consideration of self. Over and over and over and over. SO much more I want to address but words seem to lessen the value of what was experienced. I am simply thankful.

Growing Pains.

No, thankfully it's not the girlchild or the boychild this time. Although, it does seem like they are both about due, her more than him. This time it's me. Emotional growing pains. The sort that are not cured by a heating pad and a dose of Motrin. I have felt the tug and pull of relationships growing and in some cases fading recently. I tend to over think and try to figure out cause and reason but the simple fact is sometimes relationships are for a season. I am feeling the growing pains of raising children with incredibly different love languages and vastly differing disciplinary needs. It's a bit like riding a roller coaster. Some days I feel the thrill of the getcherbelly as I get something spot on right and other days I hold on for dear life as I go hurtling through parental corkscrews and barrel rolls. I am also feeling the growing pains of leaving the children alone for a week. I am so conflicted. I have never done this before so as I pack and get prepared to go for a week solo it feels a bit like being naked. I have not packed for one in a very long time. It feels foreign to pack ONE swimsuit and ONE blanket. No need for Flintstones or sparkle mint toothpaste on this trip. I have gathered my things and am loading my suitcase and wondering how exactly does one sleep w/o a Joshypot sneaking into your bed in the wee hours. I mean he knows the moment I get "lonely" and comes in to snuggle. Just ask him, he'll tell ya! Jeremy has so many things planned for their week, the perfect balance of "go & do" with "sit & be". Menu's have been made and secret fun has been planned. I can't wait to hear the tales that will be told when I return. Growing pains are uncomfortable. They are also necessary. I am not sure I'll grow as gracefully as I should but I here I go.....

I just received a really neat award from two very special people. It's a sort of pay it forward as you are supposed to 1. thank the sender of the Cherry Award. 2. list 3 things about yourself that you love and then forward it on to 5 people who you enjoy reading. I've won an award so I'm feeling a little like Sally Field right now ;) So without further ado.....

1. thank you Jamie (from http://seeyouaboutthedecks.blogspot.com/ ) and Rose (from http://clanbrunn.blogspot.com/ ) I appreciate the nod.

2. 3 things I love about me.

1. I love that I am who I am who I am. I don't play chameleon for the crowd, what you see is what you get. I may not be very refined or proper I am funny, goofy, genuine, and true.

2. I love my filter. I am a finder of silver linings & a believer in happy endings. My glass is perpetually more than 1/2 full. I find myself finding blessings in corners where you'd think only cobwebs and darkness live.

3. I love my relationship with the Lord. I think it flavors every aspect of who I am and really is the reason 1 and 2 are true. Because of my relationship with Jesus and His love for me I can love my family in a way that is bigger and deeper than I ever imagined.

3. And now to pass this along to 5 more people:

1 Pj @ http://sugaraddictannonymous.blogspot.com/

2. Ashleigh @ http://www.crossedanchorskindalove.com/

3. Gretchen @ http://sewgg.blogspot.com/

4. Lindy @ http://mrs-rogers-neighborhood.blogspot.com/

5. Katie @ http://paynetingapicture.blogspot.com/

Finding a yes.

I recently met a woman who probably doesn't even realize the power of her sweet spirit. She is the mother of boys. Multiple boys. She survived. Her boys did as well. On an incredibly rough day I find much comfort in those 2 simple facts. One of the pieces of wisdom she imparted was after hearing my concerns about Joshua hearing "no, stop, quit, don't" so often during the day. She had a boy with that 'problem' and said that she made a "list of yes". When she would find herself giving him repeated 'no''s in a day she would tell him to go and find a yes. Together they had created a list of things that were always "yes" and posted it on their fridge. We are in the process of compiling our list of yes.
We have had a very busy full week and it's only Wednesday. We've been up at 730 (unheard of in casa de schill) and on the road by 800. Our mornings are stuffed full of fun til noon then we come home hungry, hot, and worn out. Joshua is a creature of habit and this week has thrown him for a loop. Today was very trying as he was contrary at every corner. I corrected him repeatedly, kept my temper and remained as soothing and calm as I could. Despite my efforts, he was still contrary and I was still as frustrated as he was. Then I remembered to find him a yes. So at 4pm when I started to make dinner we found his yes. I wanted to hurry and get it done instead I invited him into the kitchen. He came and helped me make dinner. He mixed. He measured. He stirred. He read directions. He beamed. He calmed. He reset his contrary. He has not had a meltdown in the past 2 hours. He was soothed as his little self was stuffed with "yes" and "good job" and "you are doing great!". I am so thankful for the wisdom of Moms who have btdt. I am glad that I didn't keep swimming upstream and instead changed the current simply by finding my sweet boy a yes.

Joshua decided last night...

that he likes being nice...when he gets stuff. Kaity, being older and wiser, says to her brother "Getting stuff is nice but it's not always the reward. The reward is that it makes your heart happy, like your heart is smiling because you did something nice." She gets this face that is all thoughtful and earnest as she is telling her brother this important lesson. He pauses and takes it all in. Tilts his head the side and with just as much thought and sincerity says "Well, my heart thinks that's stupid." Oh that boy makes me laugh.

Consequences often...

...outlive the moment of decision. It's such a hard lesson to learn and often even more painful to watch unfold. We have parented with "natural consequences" front and center in our repertoire of parenting tricks. I am the parent with the children shivering on their way to the van because they chose to not listen and put on a coat. I am the parent of the kids who wear sweatpants a few times in the summer because they are sure they know better than the we do. I feel like it is important to teach them that they have the power to make the decisions but also have to deal with the consequences those decisions result in. Now, I don't allow them to play in traffic or swim with sharks because they've chosen too. However, I think natural consequences, within boundaries, builds character. Our children are young now and the consequences for their actions is, at most, mild discomfort. As they grow so does the potential for the repercussions for their actions. Watching consequences unfold that cause my children discomfort is tough! They are little now but eventually they will be grown and hopefully responsible. Hopefully we are teaching them how to look around corners and anticipate end results. Or we are totally jacking them up and they'll end up on Oprah....I wonder if I'll get to sit on stage with them or be in the audience.

These are the days....

that really blur together. The days when waking up and the daily hustle and bustle fuse into the next day and the day after. My mantra when my babies were little was (albeit probably not a GOOD mantra) "they will never remember this", as I awkwardly figured out the motherhood gig. They will never remember the diaper being put on backwards, the shower I received while learning the differences between changing a daughter and a son. Never will they recount the times I forgot naps, or socks, or toys to distract them in the car. All the things that I fumbled will stay tucked safely in my memory not theirs. My mantra has changed over the past year my 'never' has become 'may' and it's truly impacted the way I do things. Rushing through the routine takes roughly only 3 minutes less time than enjoying it. Singing all the verses to a bedtime song adds less than 90 seconds. Letting them help me stir the sauce or chop the veggies will only delay dinner by 5 minutes. I figure even in the hustle and bustle of it all I can spare 10 minutes.

This could be the moment they remember. The first deposit they contribute into the memory bank that is their childhood. Not the retelling of a story they've heard so many times that it feels like they remember. I want that when they will recall these moments later they will feel delighted in not endured. I am the first to admit I over think and am probably pouring more into the concept of this than it is worthy of holding. Or maybe not.
I don't delude myself into thinking they will not remember the crazy mommy moments I have. The instantly infuriating quest for a shoe when we are running late. The sighs that escape my lips while explaining for the 100th time why we must wear a seat belt. The short tempered moments are going to be there but I hopefully I can temper them with the patient ones as well.

A red headed baby.

Odds are if you asked me while I was pregnant with Kaity what I wanted that was the answer you got. She was born and the dream of our family of two growing was realized. Her little round head has bald but for the red fuzz that made my heart sing. When she was born she was whisked away to the nicu for a bit because she, like her momma, has a flair for the dramatic entrance. My nurse used her coming back as a bartering tool. I could have my baby if I ate my lunch. I could have my baby if I took a shower. Now I realize how funny that is but at the time I actually ate my lunch and offered my tray to the nurse with a questioning look. I passed! I took a shower and hurried to dress. I came into my room and sat waiting to get my baby. She promised. A little while later in came my husband turned Daddy in a moment pushing our bundle of prayers. Jeremy had gone with her to the nicu and not left her side. He, from the moment she was born, was her protector. He handed her to me and I looked at this little burrito of a girl. I hadn't gotten to inspect her. I asked the nurse "Can I take off her blanket?" "Can I take off her hat?" "Can I nurse her?" I mean I already had to eat a sandwich to get to SEE her! As I undressed her and got to lay my eyes on that fuzzy round head I think it started to sink in. After years of aching, longing, praying, pleading, asking, wanting, hoping, dreaming, I was a Mom. She was patient as we learned all the things we needed to know. She still is patient and we still are learning. She is kind and gentle like her father, she is loud and goofy like me. She is everything. We are thankful. Life is good.

The Little Dipper

Today was a day of nostalgia, it was the last day that Kaity would ever be an 8 yr old. She told me several time today that it was the last time she would ever have breakfast as an 8 yr old, the last time she was going to six flags as an 8 yr old. While were at 6 Flags she was so excited that The Little Dipper was open. It opened on Memorial Day but we were off celebrating Kunks graduation so we had not had a chance to ride it yet. It was to be the last ride of her last day at 6 flags as an 8 yr old. She stood in line for almost an hour and then when they were the next people to be loaded onto the ride it broke down. She was so disappointed. As everybody filed back out the entrance line, snaking through the entire cue line they had spent an hour progressing through I saw several angry adults, several pouting children, and a lot of disappointment. The staff at 6 flags were trying to help soothe the feathers of all of the guests with a ticket for a free beverage at another time for the inconvenience. Kaity had seen people passing out these little slips of paper and it had tempered the disappointment for a moment. We had gotten passes like that before but they allowed you to enter a ride through the exit and skip the line. She was sure that is what the pass would say. When it was placed in her hand and it said a free drink her shoulders slumped. We were walking towards the exit to go home for the day and she looked at me and said "I will never get to ride Little Dipper as an 8 yr old Mom, tomorrow I will be 9 and I really wanted to ride it as an 8 yr old" It was the end of a very full, very fun day and I didn't want that to be the note that we ended our day on. As we walked I asked her how we could fix it. She knew the ride was broken and it was already 20 minutes past closing so riding it simply wouldn't happen. She asked if we could talk to "a boss" about it. I wasn't in the line, I didn't get turned away so I told her she could talk to one if she chose. It became a teaching moment, which I am totally geeked for finding. She started to think about what she wanted to tell the boss. I listened to her words spilling out, how she was frustrated and we didn't need a drink coupon, how it was her last day as an 8 yr old, how she had stood in line for so long. I talked to her about how it was okay to be disappointed it was not okay to be rude. It is okay to negotiate for what you want but a negotiation is not a guarantee. As we approached the exit she was ready to talk to a boss and her shoulders were no longer slumped. Right before we got to an exit I said "Okay baby don't forget to...." and she interjected "Speak slowly, enunciate, and talk loud enough for them to hear me, I'm ready Mom and if they say no I will just say thank you to them for listening" She walked up to a man dressed in a shirt and tie and said:
"Excuse me, may I speak to you for a minute?" He smiled at her and said sure and she took a deep breath and continued, "Hi, my name is Kaity and I am 8 years old. Tomorrow is my birthday and I really wanted to ride Little Dipper but it broke when we were in the line. They gave us coupons for a free drink but we have had a lot of drinks today. I was just wondering if I could trade my drink passes for a pass to go in the out, I have gotten to go in the out before and you don't have to stand in line." Pretty articulate for a tired 8 year old, the boss thought so too. He smiled at her and motioned to the lady next to him "My friend here can help you with that Kaity, I'm sorry you didn't get to ride" The friend reached in her fanny pack o'goodies and pulled out the passes that Kaity thought she was getting. She gave her enough for our entire family and then told her to keep the drink coupons too. They wished her a Happy Birthday and we walked over to join the rest of our group. Our day had ended and it wasn't with slumped shoulders and pouting face. Instead it was pride on that freckled face. She learned, on this last day of being 8 years old, that you get to negotiate in your life, this time with better than expected results. I am sure this is a lesson we will revisit throughout her life, I want her to be empowered not entitled. I want her to know she can stand up for herself and still be respectful, kind, and thoughtful. Today she learned that she is a Tigger not an Eeyore. What a great day!

I'm too excited to sleep.....

Have you seen the Disney commercial? Little kids giggling and squirming because leaving for Disney is looming on the horizon, then the parents get settled and cannot sleep either? That was me last night. I am so excited for a visit from our friends. My favorite book of all time is Anne of Green Gables. So much so that I took to spelling my name Kamryne for a time simply because it was "so much more distinguished". It is one of the few books that I can read over and again, each time rushing towards the end while trying to pace myself because I don't want it to end. I saw the movies and as soon as each character would appear I would know who they were because they matched the people I had created in my head. I said all that to say that Mandy is my Diana Barry. She is my bosom friend, my kindred spirit. The kind of friend that everyone should have at least one of. Somehow I lucked out and got more than my share! I thought my girlchild was sharing my excitement for their arrival last night as she declared with particular zeal "I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!" I grinned at her and asked why, so we could squeal together. She replies "I put a twinkie in the freezer and Daddy said I can eat it for breakfast in the morning!!" with a huge grin on her face. Only then does she register my look of excitement and hurries to add "...and Aunt Mandy, Uncle Ifiok, and Caleb are coming too" Well, I guess one does have to have priorities!

Welcome Signs

Kaity decided that she needed to create a welcome sign for the arrival of Aunt Mandy, Uncle Ifiok and Caleb. She worked on the Welcome with gusto. She colored hearts and added smiles. She decided to make it even more special and put everybody names on the sign. She wrote Aunt Mandy w/o help. She started to write Uncle Ifiok. She got Uncle down the wrote I-f-i
"Mom will you help me spell Uncle Ifiok? Well not the Uncle I've got that just the Ifiok and not the whole Ifiok I've got I-F-I what is next?"
O-K
*pause* "Um, okay...what's next?"
O-K
*pause* "Okay, I'm waiting....what's next?"
"Kaity the letters oh and kay are next"
*pause as it registers* "ooooookay, umm the word not the letters, I get it!"

bwahahahaha!!!

Presence not Presents.

We have always been a birthday partying lot. When Kaity and Joshua were younger we'd have a party at our house, one in central Illinois w/my side of the family, and then another in central Wisconsin with Jeremys side of the family. At one point Kaity thought she went from 2 to 5 in the course of a few weeks! As the Schilldren have grown so have our party tastes. So much planning, plotting, creating, and cooking started to make June (for Kaity) and October (for Joshua) seem weeks apart! Last year we started 'even party' & 'odd day out'. This year is Kaity's "Odd Day Out" and she's picked a doozie! If you would like to come and join us for any part of her day of celebratin' you are more than welcome. Her actual birthday and opening day for Toy Story 3 is this Friday June 18th!

Itinerary:
11:30 Glow in the Dark Golf @ Hawthorne Center in Vernon Hills (military only $4 and you can play LOTS of holes!)

2pm Lunch at Olive Garden in Vernon Hills (complete with singing!!)

5:30 (or closest time to 530 w/3-d) Toy Story 3 @ Kerasotes Showplace 8 (behind On the Border)

She is turning 9 and would love to have you come and celebrate with us!! No presents required only your presence :)


I have been asked for gift ideas so here are a few:
Diary
Books (She likes the author Liz Kessler (or anybody similar) but has the entire emily windsnap series already)
nail polish
bracelets
mad libs
books
books
books
:)

Enemy thy name is....

sleep. I am not sure when exactly it became a nightly battle I fight with myself but it has. I lay in bed for hours. I am not anxious. I am not excited. I am not exhausted. I am simply awake. A few nights ago I didn't fall asleep til about 730 in the morning. Up all night and attempted to medicate myself w/ Tylenol PM but it just didn't take. At about 645 I lost my mind and woke Jeremy up, so he would know that I couldn't sleep. I figured he'd want to know that, right? I am always amazed when I do something like that because he wakes up and deals with me gently and with kindness. Not exactly what one would expect when you wake somebody up from a dead sleep knowing they have to go to work shortly. Jeremy woke up and got me tucked in and rubbed my back and my legs for about 45 minutes until I fell asleep. The following night I couldn't sleep. I did all the things my doctor recommended before finally deciding to give in and take the prescription my headache doctor had written. It was well after 2am when I got up to take the meds, when I came back to bed Jeremy had moved my pillow all the way next to his and was laying awake, waiting for me. I crawled into bed and he tucked my head under his chin and held me. he is home. i am so thankful for that. i slept.

In the middle of the night....

my baby boy will wake up. Usually at least 1/2 the week we are sleepin' triple in a king sized bed. I don't mind it much, he's growing up so quickly that I like the times that he's snuggly and doesn't mind the extra cuddles that climbing into my bed require. The rule for climbing into our bed is simple. You MUST go potty first because there was a time he was responsible for the changing of the sheets daily. Joshua is willful and stubborn, things I adore about him and that I think will serve him well when he's older, and exhausting at times. He is getting to the point that he doesn't like kisses in public and the hugs have slowed down. However, in the middle of the night, when his tired little self comes into my room he is bedwarm and soft. He is typically thoughtful but it makes my heart melt when he comes in quietly to our room. He will go into the bathroom completely dark and shuts the door behind him. Only then will he turn on the light and go potty. Flush and wash his hands and turn off the light and open the door. No one ever taught him to do that he just noticed one night that the light made our room brighter and he knew we liked to sleep in the dark. He does NOT like to sleep in the dark. He falls asleep with a nightlight, his closet light and the room light on, so that makes it even sweeter to me. He will then crawl up the middle between the maze of legs and find a free spot of pillow. Truth be told he has his own pillow in our room, he finds the coolest corner snuggles down under the blankets and whispers 'night guys' and goes back to sleep. I know these things because sometimes when I hear him stirring in his room and walking down the hall I will hurry to lay down and feign sleep. I love to watch his thoughtful nature in action, to see his careful movements. The stealth of his whole 5 yrs tempered with the klutzy of being freshly out of bed. Last night as he started to climb into the bed by our feet I opened my eyes and asked him to come to my side. He knew what was coming, when the mommy asks for him to come over it's snuggle time! He crawled into my bed over me and I captured him in my arms. The top of his head tucked under my chin, I scratched his back and listed all the things that I like about him. All the things that make my heart happy and my eyes smile. In the course of our day he had heard "no, stop, quit, don't" so often I wanted to be sure that "yes, go, continue, of course" were also all well within his grasp. Oh how I love that boychild of mine.

Left In.

Kaity is almost 9 yrs old, my sister Sarah is almost 16. There has never been a time when Kaity didn't think that Sarah was the coolest girl ever. She dubbed her TTSW when she was little and sounding out Auntie Sarah, over time she has just become TeeTee or T. The difference in age wasn't horrible when Kaity was a baby. Tt loved to dote on her and enjoyed being copied, followed and sought after by the ever enamoured Kaity. The past few years the age difference has become more and more apparent. T is out of toys in and into boys, Kaity longs for the imaginations at play that she and T would spend hours on. It isn't a laying of blame, it's just the pain of growing up. We went to my moms for graduation and Kaity was leery about hanging out with T. You see, to Kaity, it feels like T no longer likes her. That she's not cool enough to hang out with Ttsw. Inevitably every single time we see ttsw lately Kaity ends up with hurt feelings. Sometimes she cries, other times she just sucks it up, but it always makes my heart ache for her. We've started talking about the 'filter' you view things through. This trip I told Kaity if she felt left out she needed to tell me before it hurt her feelings so we could deal with it. That sometimes when you anticipate feeling badly or having a bad time then you become more sensitive to it. Instead go in with a happy heart and the expectation of having fun. The day after we got to my moms Kaity asked me to come into the bedroom and pray with her. She was feeling left out and her feelings were hurting she said. We prayed. Prayed that she would have fun, that ttsw would have fun, that feelings wouldn't be hurt and that we could celebrate graduation with happy hearts. Kaity left the room with a smile on her face and not 10 minutes later Sarah approached me and asked if she could take Kaity with her and a friend to get their nails done. Sarah knew nothing of Kaity's prayers, of Kaity's angst and hurt feelings. I am so thankful to a God that cares about the feelings of my baby girl. Kaity got to hang out with the big girls all afternoon. They went to lunch, got their nails done, and listened to music while hanging out with one of Sarah's friends who was the driver. I am also thankful that Gods grace was not lost on my almost 9 yr old. She came home and whispered "I feel left in Mom, we prayed and God made me feel left in!"

We are living better...

Joshy and I were at the commissary the other afternoon. Just the 2 of us cruising the aisles as he flip flopped between being okay with the chore and pretty sure he was on the brink of a boring death. I started tasking him with finding various items as we hurried through the store. In the paper towels and toilet paper aisle Joshy stopped dead in his tracks and picked up some random brand of toilet paper. "we need this one mom. it's on rollback. rollback saves you money and we live better." straight faced and proud.



i need to limit his tv viewing.

I couldn't even make this up...

Kaity is a lot like me in a lot of ways. Obviously she's rockin' out the red hair and has a smattering of freckles like me, but she also gets super excited the night before anything cool happens and has a hard time going to sleep. You can bet on the eve of every birthday, holiday, or company visit she will be up til the wee hours giddy with the excitement of what fun is looming on the horizon. Last night she was super excited from all the fun she'd had at a birthday party and the fact that we were going to do fun things with Grandma & Grandpa Schill...or so I thought. She had actually written her Daddy and I a letter and it was the anticipation of giving it to us that was causing her to lay awake. She came downstairs wide awake and yet exhausted. I held her on my lap rubbing her back and cuddled her as she settled down and fell into a twilight sleep. Jeremy carried her upstairs into her bed and she snuggled into her bed and slept. This morning she came bounding downstairs all grins with something behind her back. She called us together in the living room and handed us a piece of paper. She has a notebook next to her bed because she is a writer of stories and when the urge strikes she has permission to write down her ideas so she doesn't forget them. Last night her idea notebook was the canvas for her letter. Here it is exactly as she wrote it:

Dear Mom and Dad,
I just thought of the wonderful things you guys do for me like feeding me, Loving me and much more sometimes on the road of life I make wrong turns but with some help from you I can get back on track on the road of life. I have a long way to go but with help from you I can get there even faster. So thanks for all the wonderful things you do and mo matter how big I get I'll always be your little girl.
Love your dautgher,
Kaity

LOVE YA!
(insert a few hearts and smiley faces here)


Seriously? How did we get so lucky? What a fantastic way to start a Saturday that was already shaping up to be filled with fun.

Ice cream theology

Kaity is a thoughtful girl, she asks questions that I have to mull over before answering. I don't want to bluff my way through but rather give her sound answers as she is building her own cache of knowledge. On the way home from Mattoon this weekend she asked if clouds had weight, if they did how did they stay in the sky since gravity should pull them down. Seriously, I don't think I have EVER wondered how clouds stay in the sky. She and Jeremy talked for probably 20 minutes in depth about it as I sat in awe of the way her mind works. Today she asked me about religions. She wanted to know what the difference was between catholics (which she pronounced cath-o-hol-ics) and lutherans and what exactly we would be considered. Joshua piped up and started wondering the same thing so this morning we decided that your relationship with Jesus is ice cream. We love ice cream, Kaity likes hers with toppings while Joshypot prefers his plain. We talked about how the different religions are toppings. some people feel more comfortable worshipping Jesus with people who only like the same toppings. She asked what topping we were, I said we go to a non denominational church which means that we just love ice cream. We worship in a place where different toppings are welcomed and embraced. We talked about how the fundamentally important part is that we have a relationship with Jesus. I think they got it, and I hope I didn't botch anything too much. Whew......whatta morning!

Random kidbits from our weekend camping

We packed everything up and Jeremy couldnt find a spot for the lantern that was really 'safe' so he told Joshypot to keep an eye on it. We pulled out of the driveway and drove for a bit. Started seeing new spaces and places and Kaity was looking out her window. Joshy started getting pretty stressed out and couldn't get his words out fast enough. He kept calling for Kaity "Quick Kaity Quick, look at this" and she would turn and look out his window which would infuriate him and he'd growl and start again. Finally he sighed REALLY loud and says "Look at the lighter, I need you to keep an eye on it so I can see the cool stuff too!" that sweet baby thought he literally had to stare at it the whole trip!


We stopped to get drinks and Kaity saw tree pollen floating in the air. In her best stricken voice she shrieked "OH NO" we all looked around and asked what happened. She says totally straight faced "It's SHNOWING in the SHUMMER" a'la the scientist from Horton Hears A Who.


The night before we left to go camping Joshua was having a hard time falling asleep so we had him practice relaxation techniques. He had been in bed for about 15 minutes and then I heard him hissing "DAD....DAD" in a whisper from the top of the stairs. Jeremy had run an important errand (i NEEDED taco bell!) and was gone so I told Joshy to get back to bed. He asked again for Dad and when I told him he was out running errands he decided I would do. I walked upstairs to see Joshua standing stark naked at the top of the stairs.
"I need clothes"
where are your pajamas?
"I taked them off......" looking at me like I should somehow understand what this means.
why?
"ugh, I was trying to go to sleeps and I couldn't so I did my relaxes and all the sudden my pees started coming out! I didnt even know I had to go potty!"
I managed to help him clean up and get back into bed before cracking up!

Kaity recently decided that she enjoys magic and would like to be a magician of sorts when she grows up. While we were camping Dave showed Kaity a few rope magic tricks and she practiced over and over. Upon driving home she decided to start planning her first magic show and how it would need to work. She decided she only had 3 rules for being her assistant, I wrote them down word for word.

1. You must do exact lines as they are written and follow all lines and cues

2. You must have a sense of humor and not get stage fright

3. Have fun

Please note the the only paying of this is having fun...so no cash.


This is not a camping note but earlier this week I took the kids to get bank accounts at navy fed. They were both so excited about getting them. Kaity had saved $50.88 without "killing the pig" (cutting open her piggy bank) and Joshua asked me to lend him some money to start his. While we were waiting for the bank all the processing to be done the teller told the children they would each need to come up with a pin number that would be private and only they would remember. Joshua said instantly "I GOT IT...." and Kaity started to furrow her brow and really sweat it. I told Joshy he needed to let me know what the code so I could help him remember it. He leaned over and in a hushed whisper says "eight six seven five three oh niiiiiiieeeeeiiiiiin" I have sufficiently 80's warped my children!!

These Kids of mine

I know they are in almost every post. I think I'm going to talk about something else and then they open their mouths and I'm entranced. Tonight they were both playing imagination, which is by far my favorite thing to observe them doing. As Joshua begins to master reading with more and more confidence Kaity is starting to envelope him into the games she used to play with TTSW. Tonight they were over the moon excited that they'd both gotten into "Heron" on the first try. Nobody makes it into Heron on the first attempt. Super K, Super J, and Batman. They are in pretty good company. I love these kids of mine.

Camping

Oh it's that time of year again. I love camping! We are not really rustic campers. We sleep in a tent...but on an air mattress. We don't use electricity for the entire weekend...except for Jeremy's cpap machine. We skimp on bathing and go heavy on star gazing. It's marshmallow roasting and rock hunting. It's a great big sleeping bag zipped together to make a gigantic schill sandwich. It's nights around the fire and mornings up with the sun. Birds singing and kids laughing, feet bare and summer welcomed. Now lets not go overboard, I refuse to camp where there is no flush potty, that would be uncivilized!

Mothers Day Wishes

I am thankful for the opportunity to experience mothers day. To have in my arms, after years of trying, a double dose of Schilldren to lavish me with macaroni pictures and burned toast. I still find myself wincing at all the "Happy Mothers Day...if you're a mom" choruses from everybody you encounter. I remember the sting of those words. "if you're a mom" if? or the "Are you a mom?" to which I would simply reply "No" while my heart screamed "But I ache to be!!" It feels like a cruel day to a mom who has yet to meet her baby. A Mom who has tried to start or grow their family and has been met with a challenge at every turn.

Once upon a time I wasn't a mom, I was struggling. I longed to be pregnant. I ached to have a child. My body betrayed me and my face could only smile in the crowd for so long before I would have to hide. This day brings all that back just a little. I hear "Happy Mother's Day" in chipper tones but remember how much it hurt.

We used the time we were a family of two to dream of what our family would look like. We armchair parented our way through the situations our friends with children found themselves to be in. We started traditions we would eventually fold the Schilldren into as they joined our brood. So Happy Mothers Day to all my friends who have already added to their family of two. And Happy Mothers Day to those of you who are still waiting to meet your babies, take heart.

Wash Your Face, Clean your nose
Oh my word, don't run with those!
We don't hit, Please don't shout
Close the door-heats getting out!
Kiss that owie, Dry this tear
Hold my babies, soothe their fear.
Teach them always, hold a hand
Building castles made of sand.
Feed them daily at least times three
Take them where they need to be.
Lead them by choices I make
Mend their heart, should it break.
My kisses are what heals each wound
My songs at bedtime, nightly crooned.
Making memories spun in gold
For us to share when they grow old.

There are days

that I feel like homeschooling is about as exciting as watching paint dry. There are days when I feel like homeschooling is about as futile as trying to catch water in a net. There are days when I feel like friendship is this elusive relationship that looms just beyond my grasp. I laugh and talk and enjoy people but there is a lack of depth and connection that goes beyond the surface. There are days when I feel like the tasks at hand are mundane and routine and not inspired or creative or even ending in accomplishment.

Then there are days like today.

Days that I wake up and as I set my feet on the floor beside my bed I can see the sunshine peeking through the curtains. Before I make it all the way down the stairs I hear the giggles of well rested children.

We schooled on the go today because I had so many errands to run. We went to the post office and stood in line spelling words and reading signs. My breath caught in my throat as I watched Joshua studying the signs. His eyes are the exact same color as the line on the horizon where the sky meets the ocean and his expression nothing short of determined excitement. When did my baby become this big ole, Mohawk sporting, Lego building, sign reading kid?! I love that Kaity didn't feel lost in this moment, she didn't pout over the attention her brother was receiving as he tested out his newly found skills, she beamed with pride. We stood in line and got our packages mailed and headed back to the van.

I started giving Kaity and oral spelling test and one of her words was "enemy". She was thinking and Joshua tried to help her out. If ever she doesn't know exactly what the word means she will ask for it to be used in a sentence. He asked "What kind of 'emm-inn-ee' do you mean Mom? The bad guy kind or the candy kind?" He has called M&M's 'M&E's' since forever. She didn't correct him or laugh at him, she accepted his offer of help with a smile and set off to spelling.

Sitting in the waiting room of the bank for any period of time with children of any age is not my idea of a good time. It's usually a matter of crisis management, bartering and threatening and praying for behavior that won't deem anybody *that* kid or *that* parent. Today I sat in a lobby filled with random recruits and schooled while we waited. Kaity worked further on her spelling (she's almost to the end of the textbook and really eager to finish a subject for the year) and Joshua worked on subtraction. I looked up from our seats and saw 2 recruits watching the children. One guy was spelling along with Kaity as she was given words and the other was using his fingers to show Joshua the math as we read the problems out loud. Neither was showboating or distracting, it was kind and thoughtful. It made my kids feel important and made those guys feel connected. They eventually started talking about 'back home' and were called to have their banking needs met, as was I.

I came home to a long rambling beautifully eloquent letter from my kindred spirit. She is truly my Diana Barry, the kind of friend that no matter how long it goes from visit to visit or call to call it seems like minutes the moment I hear her voice. It made me weep and made me thankful.

There are days. Days when I can be muddled. disappointed. disconnected. discouraged. I can. it's all my choice. or I can remember (or be reminded) that the Creator of my days is a giver of good gifts. of clarity. of joy. of connection. or encouragement. The days are the same...the filter is mine.

Oh Bloody He....

ad! Bloody Head! After an almost blood free nearly 9 year parenting stint my streak was ended suddenly yesterday. A little back story first, my children are klutzy. They get it solely from my side and I've embraced this about them. They are also incredibly dramatic, this I'd like to blame on their father, again it's all me. So now that we've established these two important facts let's resume the story.

Joshua and Kaity were playing imagination upstairs with gusto and great detail until Joshua fell off Kaity's bed and hit his head on the bin of barbie furniture. All I heard downstairs was the THUD of impact followed by several seconds of silence and then the shriek of "I've got blood! I've got BLOOD!" Joshua has 'had blood' before and it was a tiny speck of blood that when wiped away didn't even return so for him to be shrieking didn't really alarm me. In fact, I called out "come downstairs" as I headed toward them from the kitchen.

We met behind the couch in the living room Joshua's hands covered in blood and his hair streaked red. I should also remind you that I rarely play poker because I don't have a very good bluff face and in the 2 seconds it took me to remember to bluff I must have had the "OH MY STARS YOU HAVE BLOOD" face because in that moment he lost it and started sobbing. I took him and his bleeding self to the kitchen and applied pressure to the back of his head still not sure if it was ER worthy or not and started asking questions.

Kaity was pacing back and forth in the kitchen so I sent her upstairs to get me a pair of pants and a tshirt (i was in pj's still and not outside-able pj's either!) She ran upstairs and I got Joshy calm enough to tell me that he fell off the bed. He then started this rhythmic chanting sob combo that went something like

wahwahwahWENEEDDADDYwahwahINHALINGSCREAMwahwahwahWENEEDDADDY

While Joshua was chobbing? santing? okay okay while Joshua was crying Kaity came back downstairs with clothes for him. I told her thank you (he was already dressed) and asked her to go upstairs and just grab me a pair of jeans.

She ran back upstairs.

He kept crying.

I kept applying pressure and decided, on my own of course, that we needed daddy!


I have never called Jeremy at work with a frantic "Come home" plea until yesterday. I called and
he could hear Joshua crying in the background and said he'd be home shortly. I hung up and informed Joshy in the most loving mothering nurturing voice I have that if he didn't stop crying that particular cry I wouldn't be able to help him because it made my brain melt. He immediately stopped, and I removed the 2nd round of paper towels to see how we were doing with clotting.

Insert a frantic Kaity tearing into the kitchen holding a pair of wadded up jeans that had obviously just been taken off. I look from the jeans (which had a pair of panties still coming out the top) to Kaity and back again. "Kaity, those are YOUR jeans....Mommy needs pants. for me. my pants for me." I don't know that I can capture the level of intensity with which she spat out the next sentence "THEY ARE THE ONLY JEANS I CAN FIND!" and she looked at me like I was crazy for not at least trying to make them fit!

Joshua saw the fear/nervousness on Kaity's face and said "Are you worried about me?" and she welled up with tears and said through quivering lips "yes" to which he assumed the epic wail from earlier only the phrase was "DONT WORRY ABOUT ME IT MAKES IT HURT WORSE!" Kaity kept trying not to worry but said she couldn't stop caring, he kept sobbing that she was making it hurt worse by caring about him. I sent her upstairs one last time for a pair of jeans for me w/specific instructions on where they would be and moved the whole fiasco into the living room.

While we were moving I took my hand off the back of Joshua's head and he gasped and screeched "put your hand back put your hand back! I can feel my brain leaking out" In actuality he could feel the bleeding starting again, although I couldn't convince him of that fact. His little body had been so tense and now his shoulders slumped and he sighed a sigh so deep it almost consumed him "Now I think I've gotta die" I laid his head in my lap and started cleaning the blood out of his hair as I promised him he wasn't going to die, that daddy was on his way home, that he didn't even need to go to the doctor and that ouchies on your head just bleed a lot. Kaity came tearing down the stairs yet again with clothes for me, she'd gone into the closet, she was sure it was right. She brought me a pair of Jeremy's jean shorts and a tshirt. I simply said thank you.

Jeremy came in while I was finishing up getting the blood out of Joshua's hair and he did all the corpsman daddy stuff and deemed him okay. Joshua was relieved that he didn't have to die quite yet and that his brains were still intact inside his head. He asked how much blood was in his hair and if it looked red, I told him that I had gotten most of it out and he started crying again. Apparently the best part of a head injury, in his little mind, was that he got to keep red hair. He had a whopping headache for the rest of the day and took it pretty easy. Last night he couldn't lay on his back to sleep because it was sore and he's got a pretty gnarly scab. Wow....what a Thursday!

**my husband has asked me to add this disclaimer stating that the blood volume may have been (he says greatly) exaggerated during the hysteria of the moment...I say he wasn't here there was blood people!**

Anniversary Fest is finished for another year.

As the clock creeps towards midnight anniversary-fest is officially being put to bed as well. Jeremy took Thursday and Friday off so we could just enjoy our little family and all the schilltastic4 goodness we could stuff into 4 funtastic days.


Our actual anniversary was Thursday and we decided to spend the day together doing family stuff. A tradition has been born over the years that we have a 'family date' on our anniversary to involved everybody in our Family Birthday. I cannot begin to describe how much I love this tradition (but read on I'm sure I'll try!) because it was born completely in our family. I think traditions are fantastic when they are passed down from generation to generation but I also like that we've given the children a way to celebrate and embrace the importance and significance of our wedding day.


I woke up Thursday after everybody was already awake to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers waiting for me and Kaity had made a card for us. She is through and through a holiday kid, so the card was not a surprise but it was so sweet and beautiful. She wrote "Happy Family Birthday" and drew each of our faces on the front surrounded by hearts. On the inside she wrote a poem:

"Out of our family you two are the first part
Because of you our Family had a start
Then came Joshy and me
To make one big happy family"

It made my heart swell with a combination of joy and pride. She is such a sweet girlchild, and I am reminded so very often.


A little bit later Joshua was looking at the flowers and asked "Are the yellow ones dandelions?" I told him they were not so he started turning the vase very very slowly, checking out each flower in the arrangement. I was watching him and could almost see his wheels turning, I didn't know what he was thinking but I could tell he was really concentrating. "I don't think Daddy got any dandelions in here, doesn't he know they are your favorite?" What a thoughtful guy, to remember all winter long what flowers make me smile come spring. I then showed him my second favorite (snap dragons) and how Daddy had gotten several of those instead. Moments like that make me feel like I've done my Mom gig justice, if my 5 yr old is convinced that my favorite flower ever is a dandelion I've surely not messed up too badly along the way right?

We got ready and headed out to have our fun. We had lunch at the coolest place ever invented in the eyes of my babies.....THE FOOD COURT! If it's their favorite who am I to argue?
We played glow in the dark golf and had the place entirely to ourselves, it was so much fun. We laughed our way through all the orange course and part of the green before heading to the final putt. Joshua and I both won free games for the next time we go which was a total bonus! Glow in the dark golf was a pretty high bar to set for our first family activity so in order to meet the level of cool we headed over to Chuck E Cheese where we bought drinks and lots and lots of tokens and had at it for a few hours. It wasn't very busy and the kids have been saving their tickets so they each ended up getting a pretty cool toy at the end.
Our typical Thursday afternoons are spent cooking for youth group and as we loaded into the van to head to church Kaity had a moment of panic and shouted "We forgot to cook the food!" Again, sweet girlchild she is :) Earlier in the week another family at church volunteered to buy the kids pizza for youth group which was a total blessing and welcome break so we could enjoy our day.

Silly me, I thought the anniversary fun was over at this point. I couldn't have been more wrong, those wonderful teenagers had arrived early for youth group to decorate a room. There were signs hung that said beautiful things, balloons all over the place, and hearts filled the walls. I am so touched by their thoughtfulness. "Happy Anniversary" was chorused over and again, I am in awe of how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in every corner of my life.


Friday was the couple portion of Anniversary fest and we seriously got our grub on! Opa in Vernon Hills is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! We are already planning a repeat visit because we didn't meet a dish we didn't dig! We had a lovely lunch and enjoyed the occasional quiet between bites that sometimes gets lost when you have kidlets at the table. After lunch we made a quick stop at the cheesecake factory for a much needed (for me at least) slice o'cheesecake to enjoy during our movie. We saw "Date Night" and it was pretty funny, definitely a good date night movie!


All the while Kaity and Joshy were at home protecting our home from an invasion....or rather staging an invasion! We walked into the house and were met by a monster on the door....another was found in the cupboard! Another in my candy stash! Another in the freezer?! I went potty and closed the door to find a monster waiting behind it! While we were out having our fun they were home having their own with a family friend. They went on a bike ride and played outside and then started drawing pictures. Somehow it became drawing monsters and eventually they were hidden all throughout the house, it seriously makes me crack up and most of them are still chillaxin' as we speak. Kaity, at the wise old age of 8 3/4, is rather aloof and trained in the ways of playing coy when waiting for a joke to unfold. Joshy with all his 5 yrs of experience is more like a chihuahua on a sugar buzz.....without actually saying LOOK HERE!! LOOK HERE!!! he would coax us to "fix food from THAT FREEZER...hehehehehehehe" or "GO POTTY RIGHT NOW! tehehehehe" It was beyond adorable to watch them both play it out, and if ever I need a quick poker buddy, my money is on the girl.

The rest of the weekend was spent in the sunshine and having great fun which will be blogged about soon, but for tonight I'm heading to bed. Happy and Blessed, there is nothing better.

And the story begins.....

Fifteen years ago today I got a phone call from Jeremy telling me he was on his way to Illinois from Georgia on Emergency Leave. I panicked for a moment wondering what the emergency was, and then he said I was his emergency. I was unhappy and we had been too far apart for too long. We had been engaged for a while and were planning our wedding for August of 95 so in reality it was only a few months early but never in my whole life had I been rescued. It was the beginning of our beautiful happily ever after. Within the next 3 days we'd have his family travel in from Wisconsin to be a part of our wedding. His parents do not travel and yet they came. We had guests and wedding cake. My gown and his dress blues. Attendants and a church full of witnesses. Wedding rings were ready early and flowers were remembered last minute. A u-haul with all my earthly possessions and off we went. We never had a true "honeymoon" but I am so thankful for that fact, we instead got to make our reality into our honeymoon. By the time we'd been in Georgia for 24 hours we had our first 'house', a little modular home in a prefab community. I would later find out that modular home is code for trailer and prefab did not, in fact, mean pretty fabulous but rather trailer park. Oh what an amazing adventure we've had.....

Beware Whining to follow

I am a horrible sick person. I whine and whimper and make anybody who walks past feel my head to see if I am as warm as I was 2 minutes ago. Kaity will feel my head as she passes and say sweet placating things in an attempt to either make me feel better or make me stop whining. I would be happy if either would occur. Joshua spends his time bringing me every pillow he can find because somehow in his little self pillows make you feel better. I flail and whine and annoy myself with both. I know that I feel like trash and yet still the ghosts of childhood past creep into my head and challenge me. I spend my time willing myself to feel better and denying that I don't. All the while hearing "you're such a hypochondriac" looping in a familiar voice in my head. I thought last night that I felt better. I went to bed feeling pretty good and woke up feeling a little rough. As the day goes on so does the decline in how I feel, ugh. Right now I'm trying to muzzle my inner whiner and arrange all these pillows. I think noodle soup is on the menu tonight with a nice gorilla cheese sammich.

My boy

Joshypot is a few weeks shy of being officially 5 1/2 years old. He was born second, the little brother from the moment he came into the world. He seemed to enjoy this spot, it was his spot after all. Kaity introduced herself to him in the hospital with a formal "Hello, My name is Kaity and I am going to be your big sister." having a big meant that he was the little. Sometimes he basks in the little. The little gets served first, the little gets a longer turn, the little fits more easily in the momma lap. Sometimes he bucks against it. The little NEVER gets to go around the block alone, the little has to go to bed earlier, the little never gets to pour drinks. He's also learning how to be gallant and gracious which sometimes collides with the will and want of the little within him. Kaity has this new gig being a mommy helper and I love that she has started to cultivate this business out of desire to save money and help others, but it leaves Joshypot stuck in the depths of the yucky little. He is too little to watch children, he's too little mow yards. He is currently waiting til we visit Gramma O'Day because she's asked if he thinks he could help her pick up sticks, since he's closer to the ground and can see them better. Gotta love a Gramma who can spin little into such a positive. However, this post was not meant to be about the little, it was meant to be about the transformation that happens when Kaity goes to work. She leaves and as the door closes Joshy becomes the big, not like he's wearing a sloppy shirt that doesnt fit but more like he completely fills up the room that was left by the big going elsewhere. He even sees it. Today we came home from dropping Kaity off and he went and retrieved the garbage can that is taller than he is from the curb, he wrestled it all the way to the fence and put it away. He then played in the garage but left the door open into the house incase I needed something. He came in and got my drink, just in case I was thirsty. He got himself an apple and brought me one too...and even let me pick mine first. He ate his apple with gusto then decided he might need to switch to a banana because they are soft and apples make his teeth feel funny. *Let me interject here that when Kaity first had a loose tooth Joshua actually cried because he's the little and nothing good ever happens to him like getting new teeth. THEN he hit his mouth on the bathroom cabinet while breakdancing *and* brushing his teeth (a combo not to be repeated in this house) and his tooth was loose and he cried because he was scared of being the big too soon.* I asked him if his tooth was loose and he put down the apple and wiggled it. It moved, slightly at first and then a little more. His eyes grew wide with excitement and he was so thrilled that his tooth was loose! I smiled at him and said "wow buddy you're getting big!" to which he replied "nah, I think I'm just getting medium"
Medium is bittersweet to this momma.

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

That is a quote I heard from Maya Angelou last night. It made me stop and say it a few times. I needed to hold the words in my own mouth to somehow process their depth of meaning. I am an eternal optimist. I see my glass as perpetually half full and am always looking for the silver lining in a bad situation. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and am always looking through the 'bad' to find their redeeming quality that is a positive. This quote made me realize that believing who people are isn't about being negative but about being sure that THEY know who they are more than I do. Some people are Eeyores, the situation of their lives may change but the constant is the way they perceive it. I am more of a T-I double guh-ER, a little klutzy but pretty upbeat. It is what it is. So I guess I'm on to figure out what believing them looks like to me. How do you eliminate the Eeyores from your life? or do you?

I am so excited.....

for so many reasons! I shall list them!
1. I am going to a sleep over tonight with some of the coolest teenage girls I know! We are going to rockband, karaoke, nail paint, and goofball all night!

2. The Schilldren and I went to an event this week where they colored blanket squares for an organization called "Project Linus". I was excited that it was something we could do and while there ran into another homeschooling mom who told me about a program that looks to be a perfect fit for our family! The kids would be able to participate in 3 classes every Monday w/other homeschooled children. The classes range from Science, History, and Art to Theater, PE, and Math!

3. I love my husband, truly, completely, deeply. He is thoughtful and kind and even when nobody is watching thinks of me in ways that touch my spirit. He didnt know of my plans for today but I guess he always checks to be sure my keys are not locked in the van (i'm bad about leaving them all over the place). This morning he didnt know where they were so he left his van key on the table just in case. I love that he does things like that all the time. Kaity announces often that when she grows up she wants to marry a man just like her Daddy and I adore the fact that I can encourage that without any hesitation. We are approaching our 15th wedding anniversary and I am so thankful that we are still best friends!

4. I am having a Miche Purse Party and I have invitations to pass out, but the consultant filled them out for me! Seems like a small thing but I always worry about my handwriting not being clear enough and now I dont have to worry with it just pass them out! woohoo!

5. Our Anniversary is coming soon, we call it our "Family Birthday" because it was the day our Schill family was born. We always do something special w/the kids so they can celebrate our family birthday and then Jeremy and I do something alone. We have decided that this year we are going to take the metra into the city and go to the Museum of Scienec and Industry as our family date. We are going to use public transportation and have a full out adventure. Since we homeschool we are able to get into the museum for *free* which is amazing! Not sure exactly what Jeremy and I are going to do but it truly doesnt matter, just being with the man is enough.

6. We are not enjoying the new curriculum we are using this year, it's not a 'bad' one it's simply not a good fit for us. I was laying in bed talking to Jeremy about it a few nights ago and how I felt like it was such a blessing to have the cost of schooling covered that I didnt want to NOT do it because I was being picky. The VERY next day I got an email saying the program that paid for it this year will not be available to us next year. Then I found out about the Home Run Kids program. Then I heard so many stories concerning schools in the area that made our choice to homeschool reverberate within me. I am so thankful that the path was paved for me to arrive at a decision that we were on the right track.

So as you can see life is good in my neighborhood. So. Very. Good.